Thursday, December 22, 2011

SORRY MUMBAI, YOU ARENT A METRO !


Alright, I am back after a long hiatus. If someone even compares me to a polar bear who hibernates for 6 months, I wouldnt be surprised. Btw, let me start by asking- "Does anyone still read this blog?"

Anyhow, back to the topic.... An Open Letter infact.

DEAR MUMBAI,

Its not that I dislike you. Its just that when you claim you are a mteropolis, it becomes hard to digest. I have nothing against you. Infact, I admire your famed 'spirit'. I also admire the super confidence with which your inhabitants claim that the Eastern Express Highway (EEH) is the best fuckin road of the world. Its another matter that they fall totally silent when they visit Delhi and see the average roads. I wont even go into how they feel when they see the best ones.

P.S. I am enclosing three pics of our roads here for your kind reference:






And just so you know Mumbai - I dont like Sonam Kapoor and Firstpost either. They have said things against you (Link 1 , Link 2) but I agree only 90% with them - not 100%! See, I say again - I dont dislike you. You know, in August this year, I had the option of choosing either you or Kerala as the destination for an official training. And I chose you. Its a different matter that I missed the opening session of the training because Rajdhani reached Mumbai Central late as it was pouring rockets and tracks were all filled up (as usual no?). But hey! I didnt get angry at all. I know its hard when you only have two seasons in an year - Rainy & Non-rainy.

And I am sorry I cant support your claim that you maynot have a winter season but atleast you are less hotter than Delhi during summers. You see, I cant feel the heat of Delhi's summers while traveling in AC Metro, no? Acha, heres a picture. Aint this the 'coolest' ? :)


But Mumbai, sometimes.. it becomes hard. Hard to control laughter, that is. I swear that every time when some Mumbai-ite says that his/her city is the future Shangai, I try very earnestly to control my laughter. But I fail every time :( . Damn! My apologies for that.

Acha yar, whats with your so called famed 'paani-puri?' I had that somewhere near Sion and immediately I knew why Delhi rules in food! It was.... umm..... to put it mildly... not good. And I am never ordering a 'thaali' again in any of your restaurants :( . Let me explain this by using an Einstein type equation:

Mumbai's 'thaali' = 1/4 (Delhi's 'thaali') in quantity

And from Webster-
Mumbai's chapati (noun) : Something that can ONLY be seen through a magnifying glass.

But you know what? I loved your airport. I mean its such a cute, small place. In Delhi, we have the new amazing Terminal-3 which is the size of a city. And there you have- a tiny cute airport. Aww!

Now I agree, theres one 'thing' you have a little edge in. The People (ofcourse only those who dont run after people from UP-Bihar with 'Weapons of Mass Destruction' in their hands). But we are working on it. Actually, the problem lies in the fact that while you deal majorly with Marathi Manoos-es, we have to deal with 10000 different Manoos-es. The 'floating population' here is waaay more than what you have. Hence, the crimes etc. Also, our CM doesnt 'own' Delhi police- Home ministry does. Thats a real ass-pain. I mean, Chidambaram uncle cant seem to handle his own 2G case properly. And he handles the police of the National Capital. Imagine !!!

Acha, chalo. I will go now. Lots of work. Hope you like my letter. Lots of love from our side :)


Cheers!

- Disgruntled Genius.