Yes folks, Disgruntled Genius brings to you - the Digvijay Singh interview.
DG : Thank you Sir for taking time out for this interview.
DS : The pleasure is all mine. BTW, you arent from BJP / RSS / Hindu organizations right?
DG : Hain? Nahin yar!
DS : Good. You see I dont like these Hindu terrorists err.... fundamentalists err.. you get the gist.
DG : Yeah I do. Sigh. Anyway sir, why do you think terrorists "love" us so much?
DS : Well, obvious reason. You see boy, they love the safety of our country. Kasab, Afzal etc etc are all safe, hale and hearty. Who wouldnt want to come and visit a safe country?
DG : Ahem, they arent tourists Sir. And what about the general population?
DS : General population? Who are they?
DG : People like me and .. no, not you.. but me and thousands of anonymous common citizens of this country Sir.
DS : Oh Acha! Haan so, what about them?
DG : What about our safety Sir?
DS : Ofcourse we care about it. Didnt you hear our PM roar that we wont let these terrorists go unpunished?
DG : Our PM? Roaring? Wow! When?? Anyways, the court cases drag on for centuries and even after judgments, terrorists 'enjoy' our hospitality.
DS : O yar, you are impossible. You want the riots to happen? The country will flare up if we hang / punish these terrorists err.. 'distracted youth'.
DG : And why is that Sir?
DS : Well, you are so fuckin naive DG ! Members of a certain community will be offended , you see.
DG : So, basically you are suggesting that members of that community will be enraged if you punish those who bring a bad name to the community? Do you think the community will look towards you as their 'saviour' if you dont do any developmental work for them but do these silly gimmicks?
DS : Hain? Please stick to relevant questions. No moral lectures!
DG : Right. So you think we all are mindless sheep?
DS : Umm, that will be correct , yes.
DG : So whats this 'saffron terror' you keep mentioning?
DS : The 'Hindu' terror. RSS and all other Hindu groups are chief perpetrators . As I said recently, I think they are even behind Mumbai blasts and every other blast that happened in country!
DG : Even last December's Varanasi blasts?
DS : Ofourse! They are behind everything. Even Rahul Baba's constipation!
DG : WTF! Why will "Saffron terrorists" strike Varanasi of all the places? And Rahul Baba's constipation???
DS : Aur kya? See, he had fever and took some medicines. Since he had those medicines, hes having constipation. And you know - the doctor who gave those medicines has RSS feed on his website! Clearly, its a 'Hindu' conspiracy.
DG : Absolutely Genius Sir! You can put Sherlock to shame!
DS : He he. Now you are embarrassing me .
DG : Sir, can I ask a simple question?
DS : Haan Haan, poocho.
DG : Sir, why are you adding colors like "saffron" to terrorism? A terrorist aint Hindu / Muslim. Swami Aseemanand (Malegaon / Hyderabad blasts' accused) and Kasab are both criminals. Shouldnt we simply kill off terrorists rather than thinking of their religion? People of both communities die in terror attacks. They dont give a rat's ass for religion of a terrorist. Just kill them off already!
DS : Nice words. You should be in politics. You are a good orator. But I have no time now ok? I have to find other fucked up things that can be blamed on RSS etc. Oh , infact I just found one!!
DG : What?
DS : Mosquitoes! One son of a parasite bit Madam ji yesterday. Yes! RSS' conspiracy!
DG : Fuck my life!
Thats where I stood up and ended the interview. Too much to handle man!