Saturday, January 29, 2011


I firmly believe that intelligence in this country is going downhill more rapidly than Rakhi Sawant's neckline. For I fear the kids today - little morons in their tweens and teens - are becoming stupid-er day by day. I know every generation says the same thing about the next upcoming one but this time, i have got some bloody logical reasons!

First of all, every darn kid has become a bad American clone. An overdose of stupid sitcoms such as 'Friends' (Trust me, 'Seinfeld' , 'Two and a half men' etc are way more intelligent and better) has furthered the decline. Kids today - esp 12 to 20 batch - behave like little pricks. They talk about "relationships" without even knowing how to spell the damn word. They are always looking to be "cool" without understanding that coolness aint worth it without brains.

Teen boys have become little horns who are forever looking to fuck. While teen girls have become little showpiece dolls - going for expensive beauty treatments, forever wanting to look all decked up and what not. I mean, 8000 bucks for getting your hair straightened and terming the entire episode, 'rebonding'- beats me!! And thats at teenage. Talk about innocence lost.

For them, sense of humor doesnt mean intelligent comedy but making fun of others. These brats have become so insecure and 'Wannabees' that they have lost sense of their individuality. A person can only rise if he balances the world and his individual self , if he keeps his emotions in check and never does anything in the influence of others, OK sometimes under the influence, but basically charts his own course. This generation is totally opposite of this. They dont have a check on their emotions and commit suicide over the stupidest of things. They are weak in their minds and souls.

Its sad. Real sad. For these kids. Their parents - who are originally responsible for not talking sense into their kids. And most importantly - for our nation. Who the hell says spanking is bad. It keeps the children straight (Literally and figuratively).

God save our souls.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


This Republic Day, I sadly declare that India - the idea of an Indian Republic - lies shattered. India is dead - for its full of citizens and a Government, who are.

I wont dwell into last year's corruption scams. They were worse but certainly, not life threatening for our country. However, its the recent "National Flag controversy" that has proved beyond doubt that India is a country which is on a life support system and can go anytime soon. The controversy surrounds BJP's decision to march upto Srinagar's Lal Chowk and hoist the Tricolor there on the 26th. J&K and Central Govts are trying their best to stop them from doing so - in the name of stopping violence.

(image courtesy : Here.)

We may argue that Kashmir is a part of India and anyone can hoist our flag there. We may also say that this is just BJP's gimmick and symbolism. Some morons will even say that India should "let go off" Kashmir. Watever. I dont give a rat's ass for BJP or the state and Central Govts. But what kills me from inside is that people can easily hoist Pakistani flags at Lal Chowk but hoisting the Tricolor will cause violence? Have the Central and State Govts lost their backbones? I hereby term both of them as traitors - for playing into Pakistan's hands. Mind you, I dont support BJP either. They could have organised a low key affair instead of grand gimmicky march but atleast they are saying the right things that whole of J&K is a part of India.

This brings us to a larger issue - We the people. Citizens of this country. Totally dead from inside. And thats why, India is about to go bust.

We are the biggest liabilities on India. We crib about corruption but dont we indulge in that? Who the fuck pays bribes to policemen and politicians? Who believes in "jugaad" instead of a genuine solution to something?

We are hypocrites. We dont support casteism, sexism etc openly but who votes on caste , religious lines when elections come? Who observes fast during Navratris but brutally kills a 2 hour old girl child? Nowdays, people even travel to Bangkok to select the sex of their unborn child. And I wont even start on all those "fairness creams" ads.

The biggest culprits are ofcourse majority of the urban, educated youth - people like you and me - who are expected to vote intelligently, be good thinkers and be the future of this nation. We have developed such a thick skin that nothing important affects us anymore. Most of us are just glad that we have a "cute, young leader" ready to take over the throne once Manmohan Singh retires , even though that "cute leader" doesnt have an opinion on major issues.

But perhaps the biggest blasphemy that we have committed is that we have actually turned against our own country. I am sure the Tricolor issue wont mean anything to majority of people - who btw will be more than eager to attend candlelight marches in support of issues like the one that involved 'My Name is Khan'. Most of us behave like judgmental pseudo - intellectual fucks lambasting everything and everyone which / who talks about nationalist issues. For them, Maoists/Kashmiri terrorists are angels and Indian army is the villain.

We have lost the plot. We have become a nation of dead people. The proof screams from the rooftops in the form of issues we debate among ourselves and in mainstream media - Rakhi Sawant, Big boss winners (News channels went ballistic on the result day), IPL Auctions and what not. Thousands of farmers commit suicide everyday, terrorists are planning to make our lives a living hell, Govt gives a shit about us but who cares. Unless ofcourse, it affects someone "like us". When Salman Khan said that major hue and cry over Mumbai 2008 was there coz elite people were targeted at Taj and Oberoi; he wasnt wrong.

I can go on and on .. enough that someone will surely comment "Stop being preachy you ass" on this post. But its not worth it. An obscure blogpost in a large blogosphere wont make even 0.0001% difference. I cant expect anything from a nation where its a blasphemy to praise Narendra Modi for his developmental work or where terrorists like those involved in Parliament attack in 2001 and Kasab arent put to death for fear of "hurting minority sentiments". The Govt is stupidly happy to equate every Muslim to a terrorist. Bravo!

Time to sign off. The idea of India is dead - Long live India.

Jai Hind.


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Thursday, January 20, 2011


As we know, MNP was launched today. And I realised that I finally have got an ultimate power over these telecom companies. For so long, these guys have screwed me. Atleast now, I have the chance to get back at them.

Now there were several things that - I thought wont ever happen in my lifetime - happened! Like MTNL (worst service providers) launching new amazing offers and promising the users- a better service. Seriously, this is called comedy!

Now MNP may or maynot work but it has given Abhishek Bachchan some work finally. The poor guy is busy telling random people to "Get idea" since so many days. Finally earning money instead of spending senior AB's "Gandhis".

The biggest use of MNP is that it will deter these companies from playing devils altogether. Esp Reliance. Those bloody morons are so deceptive that they can cause you a loss and you wont even know! It has happened to me and I wasnt even using Reliance then! Morons came up with a free STD call offer. As it turned out, it was only in few cities and only on Reliance mobile (Mukesh's company - just a few days old then) and not RComm (Anil's) and bloody assholes hadnt mentioned these fine points in their big ads which btw had only this in bold letters - FREE STD RELIANCE TO RELIANCE!. Even their vendors resorted to misleading by telling everyone that its on RComm as well. The fiasco cost me 250 bucks (big amount during student days) as I also, had bought their calling card.

Good Riddance!

I also had grudges with Airtel & Vodafone when I was using prepaid (I had both once). I even wrote an anti-Airtel article in 'Viewspaper' ( Link ) during those days. Their offers were almost always useless once you activated them. Although since two years now, am using Airtel postpaid and it has turned out to be quite well thankfully.

But perhaps, the biggest advantage of MNP is - improved customer care service. I can say this coz it happened to me today. Before today, whenever I used to call Airtel, they used to waste my time by diverting me to various other sub-helplines. I never used to like that but today something amazing happened. I can describe that in these few lines -


I tried calling her again and again ..
to share my problems..
to find someone to console me.

She however.. was always rude to me.
But the tables have turned.
Mobile number portability starts today..
And bang at 9 am .. she called to talk..
to confirm that am not breaking up with her - -

My lovely Airtel customer care girl !


And thats the fun part of it. Even if you dont intend to "break up" with your existing operator, call them up and screw with them for fun.

Trust me..

ITS REVENGE TIME FOLKS! Enjoy the sadistic fun !



Wednesday, January 12, 2011


Relationships - the 'war-ships' of your otherwise peaceful life. But well, since life doesnt seem 'complete' without them, let me present you with some awesome ways to make a relationship work. And you better implement these - for they arent coming from just any random single dude.. they are from a 'war veteran' whos become just like India now - huge army but no damn wars.


Sometime in the past, a wise dude said (after getting drunk and remembering the good times with his ex) - 'Expectations kill relationships'. He was fuckin right. And the No 1 in the expectations list? Wanting the other person to love you the way you adore them. Thats crap actually. Everyone has their own way of showing affection. Some people go "I love you"-ing every 5 seconds while some are reclusive and dont say that often.. but that doesnt mean they love any less.

Point is to take care of your love - period. And let the other person take care of theirs. Period.


I know theres an awesome saying - 'If you want Space, Join NASA!' but it doesnt work in relationships. They need space. You and your partner need their personal space. You know what that does? Enhances mutual respect. And thats what counts. Ofcourse how much respect you need- is subjective but when you learn to define the actual limits, trust me- relationships rock; instead of being 'on the rocks'.


And heres the typical emotional and cheesy line suited for such "love advice posts" - When you give your relationship its logically defined space - it fills that up with love and nothing else.



If you love someone, you wouldnt want to hurt them right? Also, you wouldnt wanna be deceptive. So be honest in your feelings about things - esp if you dont like something about the other person - but say that in a non-hurtful way.. esp during fights. We say ridiculous things i.e. hit 'below the belt' during weak moments which comes back later to haunt us.


Destructive Ego - I am the best and always right. Others can fuck themselves.

Positive Ego - I wont compromise on my self-esteem but I will decide on something after logically seeing other person's point of view. No backing down if m logically right but if m wrong, no harm apologizing.

I think you get the point.


Frankly speaking - lifes too much fucked up otherwise. Your relationship may be the only saving grace for you in a day. So, treat it that way. If you love someone, dont let the romance die. And that doesnt mean goin on candlelight marches err.. dinner everyday or sitting outside watching stars; it means that telling the other person subtly how special they are for you. And this can be done through the simplest gestures such as making a personalised card/scrapbook on their b'day.


Cant think of any more ways. If a relationship has to work, it will and it should. Everything should be done to save it. But if something isnt gonna work, it wont however hard you may try. Recognize that and if you fall in the former category - go all ass ballistic to work it out man!


Cheers ....

Monday, January 10, 2011


First post of 2011. And what better topic than IPL. And to top it all - Ganguly , who went "unsold" in IPL auction. This effectively ends his cricketing career unless he decides to play for Bengal Ranji team.

Anyhow, this is big news. And people burning SRK's (Kolkata Knight Riders' - KKR owner) effigies on Park Street and outside Eden Gardens is an expected one. What riles me is - Why? I just wanna say four words to all those protesting & shouting against the "unfair treatment" to Dada - SHUT THE HELL UP!

First things first. I am a Ganguly fan. He was the most successful Indian captain ever (although m sure Dhoni will better him). In his prime, he was known as the God of offside. But thats that. I am a fan of Ganguly - the cricketer , not the person. Just like Steve Waugh, Ricky Ponting, Chris Gayle etc.

Frankly speaking, Ganguly should face the bitter truth - he wasnt picked up NOT coz of his cricketing talent but coz of how he behaves off-field. Unlike Dravid or Laxman, he cant really fit into any role given to him by the team. May be its his ego. That was evident in the hue & cry raised during the second season of IPL when KKR removed him from captaincy. Frankly, captaincy isnt his birthright. Besides, he didnt do well as KKR captain anyways. They remain the only team so far not to have made the semis even once.

This is in complete contrast to players like Shane Warne - who led a crappy Rajasthan team to IPL victory in the first season. Had Ganguly not been a "problem" off-field, he could easily have walked into any team.

And now the utmost reason - the business of IPL. When the hell will we Indians learn that business isnt run on emotions. Franchisees like KKR invest so much money - not to serve emotional purposes, but to get an investment on their PRIVATE money (its theirs, not taxpayers'). They are fully justified in dropping Ganguly while others arent wrong either in not picking him up. Its their call. May be Ganguly should have emulated Kumble and became a mentor for his home team instead of taking part in auctions (to top it all, he doubled his base price from Rs 92 lacs to Rs 1.84 Cr).

And I wont even start over those "fans" burning SRK's effigies in Kolkata. These are the same people who, in 2006, supported Australia when they played against India at Eden Gardens. Why? Because that was the match where Ganguly was removed from captaincy and Dravid took over. Its better not to even talk about such people who chose a man over their own country, just coz hes a Bengali and was given a "perceived" injustice.

I am no SRK fan plus I like Ganguly for his cricketing skills but I strongly am against all the drama over his non-inclusion. Its time for Dada to retire gracefully just like other greats like Kumble.

As for IPL -

it will rock like everytime. Lets 'cheer' for it.


Anyhow people, thanks for the comments & wishes on my last post. Will keep you updated on that. Till now, I have had one stand up performance which went good ..thankfully, people didnt throw vegetables!

Cheers... As Vijay Mallya said - HIC !