Tuesday, May 25, 2010

PEOPLE PISSING YOU OFF? JUST WHACK THOSE DAMN MORONS !

The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity - Harlan Ellison

Stupid people . Irritants. Piss-ants. They are everywhere and are on a deadly Rahul Mahajan sponsored mission of taking over this world. Thankfully, there still are intelligent beings around and my message.. in fact, war cry to them is : WHACK THE DAMN MORONS OUT OF THEIR SENSES!

This post is dedicated to that 'whack' attitude and is in response to Blogadda's 'Whack It Wednesday' Contest (Link here). Thank goodness for this contest for I got one more idea / 'motivation' for ranting: Whacking the idiot piss-ants!

In this post, I shall analyse 5 things / people types that really piss me off and deserve a whack on their sorry Ass. Here goes nothing:

1. PEOPLE PLAYING LOUD MUSIC ON CELLPHONES W/O EARPHONES

You are in a train / bus / at some park and settled down peacefully. Just then, an idiot wearing a ridiculous T shirt with messages like " I am 50% virgin" destroys the tranquility by playing loud music on his new mobile which he desperately wants to display. I mean, what the hell? Get an earphone, you Jackass! And while you are getting that, get a life too!

2 . 'KNOW-IT-ALL' OPINION GIVERS

Just like news reporters thrust microphones into faces of hapless people, these opinion givers thrust their useless opinion into yours especially when you dont ask for it. This category consists mostly of old people, people who think they are smarts but are idiots and Mahesh Bhatt. They dont help in anything, just give their opinions. Stock market crash? Rakhi Sawant's husband? Global warming? No problem at all! They have an opinion on everything! They always start their sentences with "You know, I think... blah blah" and finish with " I hope I was of some help!". Well, I will call you when I feel the need for mass annihilation but till then: Leave me alone! Ultimately, my message to such people is:

[Image courtesy: Pringoo.com]



3. BITCHING

Bitching is the perfect way of proving to the world that you are nothing but a 'low on self-confidence , jealous' chap. I mean WTF man?? Instead of using your time thinking of logical ways to get ahead in life or at the least, get laid; you chose to bitch about other pricks? Why do you even care? Why dont you understand that we ALL have screwed up lives. So shut your pie-hole and live your life.

4. TELE-MARKETEERS

We all know why they are irritating. Enough said. The question is how to handle them? Just ask them whether they will want to get a call at inappropriate hour from strangers wanting to chat with them? And when they say 'No', nail those morons! A perfect way of getting your point across. And trust me, the 'tele-marketing' mafia will remove your name themselves from their 'attack' list with a warning placed infront of your number: " Isse bach ke rahiyo!!" .

5. MTV-CRAZY AMERICAN WANNA-BEES

Let me put one thing very clear: SPEAKING IDIOTIC MTV MUMBO-JUMBO IN FOREIGN ACCENT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID AND NOT MODERN. I sincerely wish people understand this. But I know they wont because their minds have been corrupted with shit like roadies and splitsvilla. In the end, I dont even want to pray for them. I really wish for a Shiv-Sena type beating for these pricks.

Well, that was that. Although there are so many irritants around but these five take the cake. Whole 1000 Rs. Taj Confectionery's Chocolate cake. May God help these morons!

Cheers.

Monday, May 24, 2010

TIME TO BOYCOTT HRITHIK ROSHAN !


My God! What a sin have we committed ! We dont deserve to live. We are fuckin morons!
Why you wanna ask ? Coz Hrithik Roshan (HR) thinks so. And why does he think so? Coz Indians didnt like 'Kites'.

Surprised? Well, the bus conductor turned actor has ranted in a recent interview to Delhi Times and I am quoting: " Yes.. LA Times, NY Times, Hollywood reporter; everyone has said good things about the film and God, our country is putting it down. For what agenda? " He goes on to say that Kites is basically for 'Western' Audiences.

Well, I have a message for HR: Do you fuckin think we all are dumb morons? I agree that people in India are generally stupid. Hence, movies like My Name is Khan become hits while Swades bombs. But they arent zombies. Kites is a bad movie. Infact its so bad that even those chicks (IQ: 2.1 ; brain dead , drowned in pink) who worship you; disliked it. For once, they used their 2.1 IQ-ish brain. But if you have it your way, Kites should be compared to Sholay or Kagaz ke Phool .

Lets just analyse the HR statement, shall we? He basically means,

> Bollywood is a freakin' sell-out to NRI / Western Audiences and it doesnt care about Indian audiences at all

> Karan Johar and HR types dish out movies that an American may like w/o giving a shit about audiences back home

> Indians have no brains and deserve to be slaves of 'Goras' forever. Coz if they think a movie is good, IT IS. It doesnt matter what a stupid Indian thinks.

> George Washington matters more than Mahatma Gandhi.

> Just to get a bit role in some Hollywood production and suck those last pieces of shit left hanging from American assholes after the wash, ignore Indian audiences.

Now, we all know that Kites was a hit even before it released. The marketing blitz ensured that. And the politically-correct Western critics 'liked it'. But that doesnt make it a good movie, does it HR? And those dumbfuck critics? They have taken an inspiration in political correctness from India. Just like we wont hang Afzal so as to not hurt sentiments of a particular religion; they also will lap up a stupid movie coz its Indian (minority).

Well, to answer HR in a simple way:

Why we didnt like Kites?

1 > Its an ass numbing stupidity
2 > Its a bone chilling stupidity
3 > Its a 'commit suicide after watchin' kinda stupidity.

Basically, its nothing but stupidity. To HR's credit, its less moron-ish than that 'Khan' movie. But it still is dumb, you Jackass.

Well I have nothing further to say. After reading HR's interview today morning, I just wanted to play Table-tennis with his balls. All these sell-outs like HR, Johar , Aishwarya Rai.. they need to be given a tight slap, Haryanvi style, and brought to their senses. All these pseudo-talents make / act in 'Westernised' Indian movies so as to get noticed by the Western media and get a chance to work in some nice Hollywood production and become a global star. Well, guess what ? Just a scene in a movie featuring Brad Pitt , Steve Martin etc doesnt make you a crossover star Dammit !

Wheres the sanity??

Oh BTW, in a completely unrelated news: Mallika Sherawat (new crossover movie: Hissss) got snubbed by Paris Hilton at some hollywood party and was told that Paris hasnt heard of her or her crossover movie. In brief, the bitch got canned. Same fate awaits all the crossover wanna-bees.

Lord save these dick-heads.

Cheers....... Hic.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

NOTHING IS AS STUPID AS RELIGION


I want to go to heaven .. wherever the hell that is
~ Ayn Rand

Religion. Yes, thats right. The thing which 'motivates' people to kill each other like total jack-asses while shoutin ' My Gods strongest ' !

I sincerely believe that religion is nothing but a shameless stupidity thrust upon us. I seriously cant tolerate stuff people do in the name of religion. But well, this post aint about spreading the message of peace and brotherhood. The "Aman ki Ass-a" initiative from Times of India is enough for that. This thing is about why religion is nothing but a 12 inch rod up in the ass.

For starters, religion is a set of silly rituals; which people perform as fuckin duties! The first thing that comes to the mind of any temple etc visitin dude / dude-tte is to complete the idiotic rituals. Praying to God? Experiencing calm? Na.. just rituals. And our work here is done. Awesome. And these rituals are almost all mind-numbing. Add some mumbo-jumbo to that and voila! A masterpiece. Trust me when I say this, I have seen people walking backwards just to complete some damn ritual. Its like telling God "Wait dude! Will talk to you.. but first, you got some fire man? Have to light up this damn incense stick."


(Image courtesy: Here )

And now coming to the most entertaining part: Killings. Now, am all for population control. But doing that noble deed in the name of religion is too much! There are so many cleaner and nicer methods like Rahul Majahan's Swayamvar , Indian cricket team's performance, girlfriends etc., but religion? Thats just shit. All those trishul and sickle wielding brats who dont get laid ever and hence are frustrated, need to get a perspective. And some fuckin brains too. All they do is to behave like zombies when some penis-mouthed asshole shouts out loud passing sermons to kill members of other religions.

Some piss-ants deliberately throw a dead cow / pig infront of temple and mosque , give inflammatory speeches and off they go! Thousands of fuckin morons who dont even think and just want to kill. This suggests that religion is a bigger brainwash than what happened to those 16 "we aint smart but have nice boobies" pricks who wooed Rahul Mahajan in that demented show.

My major irritatin with religion is the preachings / teachings. It does nothing except telling us to shove a tree up our ass and forego our pleasures. Consider the following things that religion treats as bad:

Alcohol
Sex
Selfishness
Inter-religion marriage

etc

You get the gist dont you? Religion tells us that Dude! You have a nice ass. Present it on a platter to stupidity and forget all pleasures of life. In short, stop living.

I seriously dont believe how religion can treat sex as bad? May be coz these fuckin Gurus want to have all chicks for themselves. These Nityananda types want to alleviate us mortals from the sin committed by even thinking of sex. So, they bang and get banged themselves. O! So selfless of them !

Religion is a topic close to my heart. Coz everytime I encounter some religious fanatic, I want to die by heartattack! And thats why, the 'destruction' shall continue in Part 2.

As for now, I have a message for all those who might get offended by this post: Go. Complain to God. And dont bug me.

Cheers......................

Monday, May 17, 2010

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE BAN CHILDREN FROM THESE FUCKIN REALITY SHOWS AND STOP THE STUPIDITY ?


Why should people go out and pay to see bad movies when they can stay home and see bad television for nothing ~ Samuel Goldwin

Television, mostly, is pure junk; except for FTV and some illegal russian porn channels (To all Tata sky and Reliance fans: Local colony cable connection still rocks!). And you know what adds to this pile of dumb shit? Kids on reality shows!

Now, am not going to support ban on children from takin part in reality shows coz they take a toll on their little crap minds or its disguised child labour..blah blah for all I care. I dont give a shit for these kids and the pressure on their minds. I just hate kids on reality shows coz they are fuckin irritatin! I can tolerate adults making a fool of themselves coz thats atleast sarcastically enjoyable. Moreover its so entertaining when talentless judges rip apart a contestant. As soon as he / she starts cryin, I know its gonna turn into super hilarious. And once in a while, some hot chick also takes part and well.. who wouldnt love that!

But children? They irritate the hell out of me!! Here, i would like to take you into a history tour. Before Rahul Mahajan got a chance to nail 16 brainless chicks for 3 weeks and 1 Dimpy for life, he used to judge (thats correct!) a comedy show for children. One after one, those stupid kids came with their ageless first standard jokes and judges used to roll on floor with laughter! Imagine the pain! Take a look btw>

BEFORE >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

AND AFTER >>>>>>>


And please.. I am not buying the shit that you cant expect awesum humour from little angels. Frankly, if they cant produce that, they shouldnt be on TV. My TV time can tolerate mediocrity but it aint for blatant stupidity.

And ofcourse, the dance reality shows. Where should i begin? Perhaps, from girls. Girls aged 8-14. Who dance to remixes and Rakhi sawant songs in skimpy outfits and garish make-up. Need i say more? These so called 'little princesses' are nothing but 'rakhi sawants in the making'. But even this aint the funniest part. That credit goes to their fuckin parents who feel so damn proud when their little darling is shaking to 'hips dont lie'. BTW, heres a video from an American show.. just to prove my point:

[ Vid ]

Now, before some moron shouts that it doesnt happen in india.. well it does mate! And nowdays, theres a new show where kids b/w 3-6 are dancin their asses off! Heights of Awesum-ness.

Now, i really dont give a damn about our future generations. They can spoil themselves and become Rakhi sawant. Devil may care! But please.. atleast make these shows a little less stupid! Please spare me the fake concerns of these idiotic judges! I was so fuckin irritated when Farah "I aint buddy with SRK anymore" Khan cutely told an irritatin 3 year old contestant in final audition round: "You dance well but you are so young. We wont allow you further into this show as its too much pressure for you" ! Where was this fuckin concern you idiot when that kid first gave her audition or you first saw her? Fakeness personified!

Frankly speaking, kids are always irritating. And such irritations on reality shows.. make a gigantic irritation which can wipe out the entire human race by sheer stupidity. So, heres a message for kids: Go you morons. Spoil yourselves. Do drugs, get wasted watever. I give a shit. But please! dont do reality shows. You have a right to kill self thru drugs.. but not the entire god-damn human race thru reality stupidity!

I hope my pleas dont go unheard! Amen.

Time to sign off and return to my daily dose of The Great Indian Comedy (India TV.. what else!)..

Cheers yo'all ................................

HIC !

Thursday, May 13, 2010

AN ODE TO THE HERO WITHIN US

Deviating from the usual rant for one post but watever. Its about time that we salute the hero.. that is within us. So, here goes:

Whats heroism? What is supposed to be a heroic act? To fight crime? Jump off buildings? Or, fight for your nation on borders? Is there anything else that can be classified as a heroic act? Or even a cowardly one?

The answer is: Yes. It lies in one word: Living. The way we live defines whether we are heroes or some wimps. The way we choose to define our life is the basis of what we can achieve.

We all chase a final goal known as enlightenment. But do we know whats that? We waste time listening to useless Gurus and reading motivational crap but still remain restless from within. Only because we chose to run after everything, even enlightenment, except our own lives and desires. We, sadly, outsource them to the society. We don’t fight the forces who try to control us and give in. We chose to live like cowards. And that’s why, we remain far from enlightenment.

Ever thought that a desire to achieve enlightenment or self-satisfaction is the most selfish desire one can have? Then why do we look upto society and others to decide for us? Job, Career, Marriage.. even love; why should anyone else has the control and not us?

Society is nothing but a way to enslave a free and independent man. A logically selfish mind is a threat to society because it dares to challenge the set rules. And thats why society tries to destroy it in every which way. By taking away the dreams and engraving into the minds that selfishness is bad and a sin. We all are fed this shit since childhood. We are told to live for others. We are told to sell our dreams at every step. We are told to cram and not explore. We are told not to live but to survive. Everyone says the world is cruel and bad. But only a few see reason and fight it; instead of selling out to it.

All dreams donot see a reality. But reality has no right to stifle the art of dreaming. Those who understand this, become heroes. for they dont wish to just .. survive; they dont wish to compete with stupidity ; they dont wish to waste their time in stupid rituals. They live for themselves without feeling the need to destroy others for that. They understand what selfishness is. They intend to live like heroes.. for they truly are.

So, get up your asses and fight. Thats the only way. Fight for your dreams. Fight for your lives. Have respect for the self. And if you dont have the balls to do that, just sit and pray for society to be a little less brutal!


Cheers ..........................

Sunday, May 9, 2010

SOCIALISM - A SURE SHOT WAY TO POVERTY !!


"The function of socialism is to raise suffering to a higher level."
-- Norman Mailer


*******

Back to ranting after 12 days. And no better topic to destroy than Socialism. In other words, this >





So well; whats socialism? For me, its a plain stupid way of fuckin already distressed souls so as to uplift other distressed ones. And guess what? In this process, neither benefits except the guy who controls the transfer.

There are countless pricks who advocate the need for brotherhood and the need for being your brother's keeper. My question to them is: And what about me? Should I stuff a tree up my ass and give my resources to charity? No way I say !! And contrary to what some morons suggest: It aint a sin to be selfish at all!

Now, why am so anti-socialism? The answer to this question lies in the very fact that its a highly intelligent way of screwing everyone around you in the name of charity. That pic above is bang on point. Socialism does nothing good to the poor. All it does is to give them some money etc for sometime but not for eternity.. kinda like givin him fish rather than teachin him how to.. you get the point. Dont believe me? Look at the three truly socialist economies today :

Cuba , West Bengal, North Korea.

What do you realise? Dont know about you but when I saw people living in extreme poverty on the main streets of Kolkata (not slum areas; the MAIN arterial roads), I just wanted to shoot rockets into socialist asses.

The crudest example of socialism gone hell crazy is the recent financial crisis. Surprised? Well, many fuckers have tried over zealously.. sometimes to the point of leakage in the strategic places of their bodies.. that capitalism is the root of all evil. Well, I have a spoiler for them: NO YOU DARN FOOLS! Its Socialism. How? I shall explain. But first, a tribute to the thing that caused this shit: Credit Default Swaps [CDSs]. An innovative financial product which was super innovative in inventing ways of sucking out every penny from the darn system!

The basic premise of financial debacle was that some assholes [A1] gave away huge home loans to dubious assholes [A2] without checking their credentials. A1 inturn sold those loans as CDSs to other assholes [A3] like Morgan Stanley, Lehmann etc. . Without getting into further intricacies and running the risk of a boring post ; I will come to the main point. The home prices crashed, A2 defaulted [duh! they had dubious credentials anyway remember?] and A3- the big banks- shut shop!

Now, here comes the genius of socialists > as explained through a conversation between 2 social creeps:

S1 : Duuude! What an opportunity to revive communism and socialism!
S2 : You betcha!! Lets blame the crisis on capitalism. LET THOSE BANKERS DIE! HAHA !!

S3 : But what about the fact that it happened coz Government favoured giving cheap housing loans at 0% interest to poor people who were almost certain to default? They sometimes coaxed banks into doing this. Aint that actually socialism?

S4 : Watever dude ! We have to blame capitalism! And we will get loads of support from lazy morons like us.

S5 : Hehe! yeah ! Political correctness and blatant refusal to apply minds and thought on part of people will surely get us support! I can almost cry now!

Now, before someone points out that its too convenient an explanation; I will say it myself. It is. Coz its hell simple. Govt. thought that people with shitty credit history should get loans at 0% rate. Capitalism would have been totally against that as thats bad loss making business sense! But ultimately, it gets the boot! Awesum.

What have we achieved by embracing socialism? Nothing at all except more poverty. Its easier to sit in AC rooms and advocate socialism than to be out there and live like its victim. It tells people not to dream and work hard to achieve but to sit there waitin for alms from those who actually dont buy this shit and work hard.

Ayn Rand once said that capitalism, just like Science, isnt bad. People who practice it wrong; they are. But Socialism? Its downright shit!

Anyhow, time to end this particular rant!

But before that: desperately irritating, not subtle at all and blatant in-your-face self-promotion:

A word of thanks to blogadda who picked one of my blogposts as tangy pick for 4th may. And continuing my efforts to increase the number of my dedicated readers to atleast 2 by the end of May; heres the link [click & scroll down a little]:


*********************************************************************

Cheers........................ Hic!! Long live Vijay Mallya !! Hic !