2010 is drawing to a close and the most coveted DISGRUNTLED GENIUS' JHAKAAS AWARDS are here.
Without further ado, here are the winners:
(1) ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR
For not only being involved in the biggest scam ever but also being smug about it.
(2) MOST DISTRESSING SCAM OF THE YEAR
Well, 2010 was the year of the scams. Every fucking day came with new scams. It was difficult to give top honors to anyone but then Adarsh scam scored in one area where others didnt - the definition of victims. While CWG , 2G , Radia etc scams affected everyone and particularly nation's economy in general, Adarsh was perpetrated against widows of our brave martyred soldiers. Top armymen, politicians etc grabbed plots meant for war widows. Really.. you cant go lower than this.
(3) THE MOST OVERHYPED DUDE
He has fucked up on every front at home. And he came to India with a beggars bowl. Despite that, we behaved just like a teenage girl who has got a sudden chance to have sex with her long time crush! Get a grip people! BTW, I pity those assholes who awarded him the Nobel for Peace 2 years ago. What a bunch of cracks!
(4) THE MOST USELESS SHIT
Munni v/s Shiela debate.
Get this straight : I DONT GIVE A DAMN FOR WHOS BETTER OF THE TWO! I mean, every fucking news channel is hell bent on solving this debate. Who the hell cares? People are dying of hunger in a country which records wheat surplus and we are debating who among the two is a better "item" ? Get a life people !
(5) THE MOST RIDICULOUS CONTROVERSY
Look, I sincerely believe it was a planned move by SRK to generate hype around the movie - which was shit anyways. People went ballistic on Shiv Sena and supported SRK like hes God fighting against Satan. I really pity those who lit candles and watched the movie - ONLY to "support SRK" in his "fight". They will sit at home and masturbate instead of voting in general elections but for this - fully ready for combat. Way to go!
(6) THE ONLY BRIGHT SPOT OF THE YEAR
The people of Bihar rejected caste shit and voted for development. The only politically bright spot of the year for India.
(7) CRAP MOVIE OF THE YEAR
Well, My Name is Khan lost very narrowly to - KITES !
The biggest craphole of the year. Yes, Barbara Mori was superhot but hey! I aint gonna spend 150 bucks on 'Silicon' alone. There has to be some substance!
(8) SCARE OF THE YEAR
(9) TERRORIST OF THE YEAR
Phew! Really tough award. So many stalwarts like Arundhati Roy in the fray. But the winner is..
The Congress Gen. Secretary is our honorary terrorist of the year. Why? For -
1) Attending a book launch function of "26/11 - RSS ki saazish". While the whole world knows who planned 26/11 Mumbai attacks; a senior Cong. leader attends this function. Bravo!
2) Suggesting that 26/11 was a hindu conspiracy and that Mumbai ATS chief Hemant Karkare (who laid down his life fighting terrorists that night) was "murdered" by RSS people.
3 ) Visiting houses of slain terrorists (killed during Delhi's Batala House encounter) in Azamgarh and pleading support to their families.
4) Naxal sympathizer.
This man is a genius! In one stroke, he has suggested that Ajmal Kasab is a RSS man. Awesome! We are enlightened!
(10) FUCKED-UP-COZ-OF-CHOICES AWARD
Goes to the people of West Bengal.
While people of Bihar had a good option in Nitish Kumar against Lalu ; people of Bengal are truly fucked up. They have Mamta Bannerjee against CPM in next year's assembly elections ! Which is like 'Kahani ghar ghar ki' against 'Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi'. Both useless and without substance. Best of luck Bengal !
(11) CITY OF THE YEAR
New Delhi .
Truly a city of character. During peak construction frenzy of Commonwealth games, Delhi resembled a war zone. But it came out triumphs. Just like it has done over the years and centuries. No wonder, it is one of the oldest surviving city in the world.
While most Delhiites (just like most Indians) are morons, the city is the one with lots of character. Hats off to this city for winning every battle - be it against CWG people or politicians or even many of its own citizens - who are such idiots that they dont care about the hygiene and respect of a place they call their home!
(12) NON-CITY OF THE YEAR
Marathi Manoos chasing hapless UP,Bihar people in the name of "local sentiments". Need I say more about the city? Mumbai-ites claim that its the most happening city in India. Ya right! It sure is happening - on the asses of outsiders.
Also, if something has bugged me over the years, its the "Mumbai spirit". Whenever there have been unfortunate bomb blasts or terrorist attacks in Mumbai, people go all ballistic claiming that it will bounce back the next day as it has a "unique spirit". Well, its not unique to Mumbai alone. Every city - after an attack - be it Delhi or Ahmedabad or Jaipur has "resumed" normal life the very next day as ordinary citizens have no choice but to get on with their lives. But we are constantly forced through the overhyped "Mumbai spirit".
The year-end JHAKAAS awards arent over yet! There are many more categories - thats for later part. Right now, lets congratulate all the winners; esp people like Raja and Dolly Bindra - the 'once-a-century' geniuses !
God bless all !
Cheers............................................. and Merry Christmas !