Friday, October 8, 2010

AN OPEN LETTER TO SHAHRUKH, AAMIR & SALMAN


Dear Superstar (LOL) Khans,

Ah! My esteemed friends from Bollywood. What a nice feeling I am having. You must be knowing after all. My latest movie 'Robot' has again proved that I RULE! It has earned 300 Cr already and going further strong. So, I thought this is the right time to tell you some feelings of mine- straight from my heart. Besides, you all must be having the #FuckMyLife# feeling. What a time to rub salt into your wounds. HAHA.

Before everything, please note that my email ID has changed. Its now Gmail@Rajini.com. The earlier one (Yahoo@Rajini.co.chennai) wasnt able to handle the load of my fanmail so I created a new one - 'Robot' style. It also has 1 zetabyte memory, just like my robot avatar- Chitti.

Anyways, back to my letter. Where should I begin? I dont think I will enthrall you with the details of my super-awesomeness. The whole world already knows it. People wait in queues since midnight just to catch my movie's first show- which BTW begins at 3 AM due to huge demand! Tickets sell out within 10 minutes. But I wont brag. This aint about me. I will instead, rip apart..err.. tell you guys that why you all are living in a fool's paradise.

Shahrukh, my boy! Or is it SRK? Who the fuck cares? You know how big a megalomaniac you are! I mean, who in God's name makes an idiotic movie like "Billu" just to pander to his ego and 'show' his awesomeness? And fails miserably in that too LOL! You truly suit the nickname that Fake IPL Player gave you. HAHA! I enjoyed that blog.. what a funny crazy shit! Anyhow, as I was saying; you are such an insecure dude that you can be trusted to do all sorts of crazy things - be it the Gay Lux Ad or your recent fear after watching 'robot' that prompted you to change the climax of your own God-damned movie! Get a grip dude!

Well, watever. What can I say? I dont even know why the hell you are called a superstar. You cant guarantee success ( *billu , rab ne bana di jodi* .. cool movies! LOL) , all your frigging movies are the same romantic shit except 1 or 2 and you have stopped good acting after Chak De! Plus, why in fuck's name, your movies (Asoka, My name is Khan etc) are so "intellectual" and mostly made for NRI audience? I mean, why the hell cant a Gujrati muslim go & meet Narendra Modi instead of an American one meeting a hell crappy-funny looking fake Obama? Why is it always USA and "international audience" craziness with you? Look at me Boy! Learn the art of creating intelligent hollywood style mass movies from me.

Coming to you, Aamir. Well, I have no real 'pain in the ass' irritations with you. You are more sensible than Ass-R-K. But you also need to pipe down. I mean, what the hell is your grudge man? Granted, you are intelligent and make sensible movies which are actually watchable but , is it necessary that you go over the top everytime? Your weird promotion strategies regarding your movies, your naming your dog 'shahrukh' etc.. common man! What are you? 7 years old? .

Well well well, Salman bhai! Dabangg has been a big hit but dont forget Mr and Mrs Khanna, God tussi great ho etc shit! Now, am not rubbing salt into your old wounds .. just calling the spade a spade. Hehe. Also, I wont mention but *cough* black buck, car crash Court cases *cough* . Now, Chicks may go crazy over your "badass" attitude but its nothing short than idiotic. Here you are - a proven criminal and almost a non-superstar. But 1 mega hit and people forget everything! Awesome, no? Thats why good guys finish last in our country. Coz of our population's idiotic love for guys like you. You almost absolve Pakistan Govt of any blame in 26/11 attack in an interview to a Pak channel , apologise later and fans forget it! Some crazy shit alright. Granted, Dabangg is a cool movie but MR SK.. you disappoint me.

Ah blast! What the hell do I care? I am the true superstar and I know it. Those who are too "elitist" - appreciating "cool shit" like My name is Khan, I hate love storys, Anjana Anjani etc while denouncing my "mass movies" - dont matter. I will address them in another letter- some other time. Right now, I have to go collect my cool paycheque (Yes morons! I set my fees depending on the outcome of my movie. And if it flops like 'baba' - The one fuckin black sheep of my career - I even compensate my producers. See?).

Remember what I always say..
En vazhi , thani vazhi.” (“My way is the original (a unique) way!)

Now, go kick yourselves. MIND IT!

With Love,

- Super star Rajnikant

// Enclosing my pic for you guys.. Esp you SRK . May God bless you with Ra.1. LOL



17 comments:

Priya shah said...

Hehe ... Awesome! Rajini is the only star whose movies begin with "superstar Rajni" in credits .. nowhere any star boasts of such popularity!

BTW.. you "love" SRK too much dont u? :) .. would love a post combining him and mahajan-man.. hehe

S Hemanth said...

gmail@rajni.com ! LOL !! A solid point u made thr towards the end "Those who are too "elitist" - appreciating "cool shit" like My name is Khan, I hate love storys, Anjana Anjani etc while denouncing my "mass movies" - dont matter" ...

loved ur post dude!!

Radha said...

lolz....

Alka Gurha said...

Ass..RK? Poor guy...I AM-IR, and Silly man r sure running with their pants on fire. What is that RajniCan't? Good fun...

Alka Gurha said...

Ass RK? I am the best he crooned..
I AMir and Silliyman are running with their pants on fire. What is that RajniCant? Haha...Good fun..

Unknown!!! said...

Awesome post buddy..hilarious..and I believe Rajini is a lot better than those bollywood badshahs and chamchahs :P

Sweta said...

lol :)
Where you get such ideas ?

ash89 said...

Lol..loved the post! Super funny!!

Mayank said...

@All .. Thanx :)

@Sweta .. Laziness is the main ( & under-rated) motivator.. it breeds creativity lol :)

bebo ♥ said...

yeee as usual different....yannaaa rascallaa....
u write so wellaa... :P
overacting ho gyi thodi shayad...good post mayank.

Mag[m] said...

another brilliant piece of creativity.... awesome work man

Alpha Za said...

fucking awesome post!

Mayank said...

@bebo .. yanna mind it ! :) .. thanx...

@Mag, Alpha.. Thanx.......

Afshan said...

oye nice one!!
par SRK pe itna keechad uchala.... acha nai lagaa
am a big time SRK fan
his genre is romantic movies!
and he does it better than many others
ofcourse i agree that he has to come out of it and try new things as he is old now........
but i wud always remember his DDL, Darr baazigar and kabhi haan kabhi naa, Don, Chakde
wer he was Lovable in all different styles!!!
and....EVEN bad stories and worst movies turn out lil good only coz of his presence like ...OSO ........and many more....(THIS MIGHT be only to his fans! but still his presence has the aura of love around .......even if its UNTRUE and its filmy :)) but yeah he was idiot to hav rejected robo ..but am happy he did as its not his genre.......lets see if ra.one works

nikita said...

a good one !!

I do not personally appreciate Rajnikant but your post makes him divine....

Deepika Vasudeva said...

i have read 100 of posts telling the 'qualities' of rajnikant.. on being facebook's account on rajnikant.com...
but this one wins every other!

to be honest i hated aamir when i came to now abt dog named shahrukh khan and i i hate salman khan for the movies after his goody goody first ones..
shahrukh has a different case..lol.. hey i loved rab ne bana di.. itni bhi bekaar nahi thi :(

btw as usual.. posted by a frustrated mind having nothing better to do..lol

i won't mind reading more like this.. keep this coming

Anonymous said...

King rockzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..