Friday, September 17, 2010

WHY HINDU WEDDINGS ARE LIKE A BOLLYWOOD MOVIE ?

The part-2 for "phrases that need to be banned" (Part-1 here) will be out next week. I just couldnt resist writing this first.

First of all, the inspiration to this post came from the following:

Khamba (link)

Friends & “Made in blogosphere” couple ‘Mag-Nik’ ( link & link)

Now, to the post…………

I sincerely believe that theres no difference between a racy bollywood potboiler and hindu weddings. What does a normal bollywood movie has? Drama, emotions, sex, suspense etc right? Same goes for the weddings. Let me elaborate:

GLAMOUR

If you choose to ignore the ‘buried in make-up’ aunties and fat uncles who are constantly giving “I should be at home with beer and peanuts instead of here! Damn!” expression; you can actually find glamour. Young girls (Pretty Young Things) in testosterone inducing outfits are the life of those weddings. Their dance moves and pointless giggles make a guy actually thankful for being in that wedding.

MUSIC

O Common! The band? And their cliché marriage songs like ‘No entry’ and ‘Aaj mere yaar ki shaadi’ ? That’s musical enough. And come what may, dances are never in short supply, especially the famous “snake dance” (My personal favorite). Some people also go for live music but no-one cares as long as the food is good.


COMEDY

Comic relief is provided mainly by the relatives of both sides. No, not the main cast – they are too conscious as they are constantly under the recording-man’s glare. But relatives never cease to disappoint. They basically carry three expressions:

Ø > Damn! These people spent so much! How the hell he has this much money and I don’t? FML !

Ø > When the hell they will start the main course? I have had soup, paneer tikka ; even given the customary money envelope to the couple . What else they want me to do? Give me food!

Ø > The fake laughs when they come across another of their kind or the main cast.

T The best comic scene is played out during the mandatory photo sessions. Bored people coming one by one to get themselves clicked with the couple – if that aint funny, nothing is !

SUSPENSE

Theres enough suspense at these weddings. The classic “whodunit” is never in short supply. Only difference is that here, the question arises in context of poor groom’s stolen shoes and not murder. In this way, the groom is already in deep hole even before his marriage. To look good, he has to buy expensive wedding shoes (which he wont wear again unless & until his name is “Mahajan-Man”) and to top it, he has to pay through his nose to get the ‘hostages’ released.

DRAMA & ACTION

Drama is often coupled with action at weddings. All it takes to start the proceedings is a small argument between groups such as-

Ø >> Relatives from ‘opposing camps’

Ø >> Untimely demands for cars etc by groom’s family

Ø >> Demand for payment by recordingman / flowerman etc from drunk uncles

Ø >> Rejection of “I love you” / “lets have a coffee” demands of some Salman khan wannabe dude by a Pretty young thing

Etc.

Action scenes are almost always unrehearsed and that adds to the spontaneous fun. Theres enough drama on the stage too during exchange of garlands. Grooms’ friends lift him up so as the girl cant reach him. What they don’t notice is the “Bunch of morons” expression on a girl’s face. Similarly girl’s friends push her back so that the groom doesn’t “garland” her easily. This prompts a “Nice chicks but hell irritating” expression on groom’s face which often goes unnoticed as no-one cares about the groom’s plight during & after marriage.

EMOTIONS

Emotions – tones of them – are there in every Indian wedding. As the time for the couple to leave approaches, the bride side’s “tear-ing apart” starts. The bride’s mother is always crying. The father however, starts at the appropriate time. He, infact holds the holy grail. When he lets loose, other relatives (brave enough to be still there at 4-5 AM) also join him in their full vigour.

…. FINALLY … SEX

Need I say anything here? The groom’s house , the tonnes of flowers, overzealous lady relatives of the groom waiting to just push him into the room .. need I say more? Frankly speaking, I believe that the first night shouldn’t be all about sex but whatever. I though, find the concept of decorating rooms with flowers quite silly. If the purpose is to entice the couple to pounce upon each other, flowers aren’t the way to go! And to top it all, the customary glass of milk for the groom? I think they have got the priorities wrong. Milk and roses? God help the couple.

--

And so we see that how in every which way.. an Indian (Hindu weddings precisely) are exactly like a bollywood potboiler.

And I dont know, why I wanna say " Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost" !

Cheers...........................

21 comments:

Mag[m] said...

lolz...!! very true.... even the affairs before marriage is always in bollywood style.... u rocks again bro..

BTW... we are not "Made in Blogsphere" couple... we r just a good friends( even it sounds like bollywood but true)

Mag[m] said...

and dude remove this owner approval widget for comments...

nikita said...

Mayank..

loved each and every word here...you described all of it such beautifully....snake dance..hot chicks ..food..action..flowers in the room..milk...lolz...

wonderful...
brilliant post !! infact one of the best after mahajan man...

Mayank said...

@Mag .. thnks dude :) . Comment moderation is to weed out spam.......

-

@Nikku... Thanks :)

Rahul said...

total #WIN bro !!

Priya shah said...

What a post Sirjee ! At the peak of your power nowadays :) .. Damn awesome observation dude ..

hemal said...

hmm... inspired by made me ROFL... but i loved reading the post!

Giribala said...

Lol!! That gives everyone a few chances to be like Bollywood stars!

Rashi said...

Good one donnie!!! Luved it through n through.. :)

Dr Roshan R said...

haha.. really true.. noone does it like we do :)

Nalini Hebbar said...

how true! and as long as it lasts it is like a dream...it is the married life that brings you back to earth! LOL

Mayank said...

@Rahul , Priya, Hemal , Rashi ... Thanks :)

@Giribala .. u bet ! A dash of Life under the spotlights :)

Mayank said...

@Dr Roshan .. Indians truly believe in larger than life celebrations :)

@Nalini ... True! Well said :)

Alka Gurha said...

Interesting....Very well written.Throughly enjoyed it.

Riya said...

ROFL !! Another of your genius post..... Marry me ! hehe

Purba said...

We are an OTT nation, high on melodrama. You forgot the heavily made up bride and the groom in a bandh-gala sherwani, posing and preening with their 346447 relatives and friends.

Mayank said...

@Alka .. thanks :)

@Riya ... My post has already inspired someone , eh? :P

Mayank said...

@Purba... yup. I always think how the couple even manages to remain sober in all that makeup , chaos and heavy clothes... :)

-

Anonymous said...

Genial post and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you on your information.

Mayank said...

@Anon... Thanks, but how?

bebo ♥ said...

wow...Where do u get these ideas from...:P
Hilarious and true.