Tuesday, August 24, 2010

VISHWANATHAN ANAND .. YOU ARE NOT AN INDIAN !


This post is dedicated to our bureaucrats, in particular , those from the HR Ministry (HRM) . HR stands for Human Resources but well, in our case: Humorous Resources !

Each day when I wake up, I think that our ministers and bureaucrats cant get any more stupid..err.. "intelligent" but well, they have an amazing capacity to prove me wrong every single day! Sheer Genius! I mean, you seriously cant beat the current gaffe. Vishy Anand ( World chess champ, Grandmaster.. remember folks? Think beyond Dhoni and Sania "Malik") was to be awarded an honorary doctorate at Hyderabad Univ.. Being a central Univ., the file went to HRM where those moron 'babus' asked Anand to prove his nationality. Why? Coz he spends most of his time in Spain (training) and tournaments (all international). I mean, sure, his passpost clearly mentions his nationality as Indian and he represents INDIA at every tournament but hey! Who gives a fuck? You have to be in India boy!


I guess our babus arent at fault really. So what if their IQs are a little less than Rakhi Sawant's ( 0.36 )? They were just following rulebooks; only in this case, the rule book seems to have been written by Dimpy Mahajan.

Infact, I will go on and declare that its Vishy and University's fault and not the babus'. How? Consider these points:

1 >>> How dare they send the file 'weightless'? Arent they aware of the fuckin protocol? Why the hell there wasnt any 'Gandhijis' stapled safely on that file? Where was the 'kharcha-paani'?

2 >>> I have lived in North India for whole of my life and consider myself an Indian. But, if I visit some place like Mumbai, Manoos brothers will run after me with their Chak de hockey sticks shouting "Jamma-aila! Mumbai only for Marathis !!". And Vishy expects that he will be welcomed in India after living abroad for most of his sensible life? How idiotic!

3>>> For the love of God Vishy! Get a grip man! No-one in our country gives a fuck about sports. Not even cricket. This nation is full of such God-damn idiots who think they are better than Sachin but cant differentiate between fine leg and Mandira Bedi's leg. They will go crazy about Sania marrying a Paki cricketer who looks like someone who has just got a major hit in his balls but they wont give a rat's ass about your insult. Grow up Vishy!

So, I will say: Chill Vishy. Play chess. Win accolades for India. I am proud of you. This nation has very few true sport icons ( No! Shahrukh isnt one of them.. for the love of God people! Chak De was only a fuckin movie!!). And You are one of our best. Just know one thing.. Never cross the way of babus! Otherwise, you will get "pawn-ed" !

Check Mate.................

17 comments:

Nehha N Josshi said...

It's high time for the Indian sports to be taken seriously; by the world and by Indians!

Priya shah said...

Brilliant post Mayank !! Your use of sarcastic references (Gandhiji etc) is simply awesome.. :)

I wish sports get a heads up in India but until then...........

Azad said...

Amazing post man!!!
Hilarious!!!

nikita said...

amazing one !!!

You have got the ability to make people think on certain issues !!

:) :)

keep rocking !!

Anonymous said...

its so true but then it does not matter to people lyk kapil sibbal ji who has just said sorry for his MISUNDERSTANDING. i dont understand why such people are standing over thee. they shud sit at home and clear their MISUNDERSTANDING.. AND THE power chair to some1 correct out there... or is it no one....

S.R.Ayyangar said...

It was very shameful act by HRD of the government. They never raised this issue when he was bringing laurels to the country at various events.

Rahul said...

Awesome post bro !! :)

Mayank said...

@Neha

Yup... Things r changing nwdays, esp after our exploits in Badmntn, shooting etc ..slow but hopefully steady...

@ Priya , Himanshu , Nikki ..

Thanks :)

Mayank said...

@Anon.
Sadly, no-one nwdays.. but all rests on hope...

@ Mr Ayyangar
Thats the classic hypocrisy blunder ..can only b attributed to Indian babus...

A Restless Mind With A Sensitive Heart! said...

well yes, this was embarassing for everyone. thankfully the Minister apologized.

iriDescent speculist .... they say thoughts carry weight, damn !! I'll neva b thin !! said...

sahi hai....super...laughed hardest at the 2nd para..it's really funny if our system leaves a gr8 sportsman confused as to his own nationality....haha....aur bhai, kabhi to shahrukh ka peecha chhod..ram jaane kya bigada hai usne tera... :D

Mayank said...

@Restless .. Yup, saved himself sm embarrassment in the end....

@ Iridescent .. thnx dude :) . SRK n rahul mahajan toh khair.. r life-long 'inspirations' fr me :)

Sweta said...

Hey Mayank,
Very nice post.... In hilarious way you pointed out all the flaws of the system... good one :)

Mag[m] said...

@mayank.... u r simply mind blowing dood.... u portrayed a sensitive topic so humorously... outstanding..

really love to read ur next upcoming posts... to follow is worth full for me

Mayank said...

@ Sweta .. Thanks....

@ Mag .. Thanks for the appreciation dude :)

Tariq said...

Like M.J Akbar said in his column a few weeks back, expect the games to go away without a hitch. This is just a ploy by the establishment to lower expectations, so we are awestruck even if the show is mediocre.

Tariq said...

Oops! that comment was for the commonwealth games post :P