Thursday, August 19, 2010

INDIA'S 5 BIGGEST SCAMS !


Forget Madhu Koda, Commonwealth , Fodder scam etc. Those were mere blips on the radar. The real scams are something else and they are doing nothing but to destroy the fragile minds of poor little Indians. Although there were many, but only the topmost, having the most power to ruin this country, could make the cut. Sadly enough, Rakhi Sawant missed the list by only 0.36 points (This number is significant because thats her IQ too).

So, without further ado... heres presenting..... INDIA'S 5 BIGGEST SCAMS / SCAMSTERS >

1 ] SHAHRUKH KHAN

We all know who this creature is. But why he tops the scam list? Heres why..

> Produces stupid movies like Main Hoon Na (Seriously dude.. rickshaw chasing a Safari? GET A FUCKIN GRIP! ), Billu, Asoka etc. Why not take a cue from that other Khan who has aces like Taare Zameen Par, Peepli Live etc up his sleeve?

> Endorses a retard institute like IIPM which makes tall claims but gives shit about careers of thousands of gullible MBA aspirants who join it every year.

> Owns an IPL team which has become the butt of all jokes only because of his stupid decisions (Buchanan anyone? Btw, I might add: Long live Fake IPL Player ! )

> Plans a carefully orchestrated controversy (My Name is Khan) so as to garner publicity and sympathy! And public? Well.. no comments about those stupids who cant move their lazy asses to vote but took out candlelight marches to support MNIK ! Losers!

> Endorses fairness creams (Fair and Handsome! O PLEASE!) and Lux in a gay commercial! Seriously man, WTF ? Thats not metrosexual. Thats fuckin faggotry!

2 ] MTV , CHANNEL [V]

Alright. I can tolerate stupidity like Splitsvilla. I can understand that MTV etc tell our youngsters to develop "cool" lingo which tweaks words like 'my' for 'mah' and god knows what! This basically makes them look stupid American wannabees and not cool. I can even understand that the most intellectual discussion on MTV can only be whether Karan Johar will ever come out of the closet or not? But I CANNOT understand why the fuck youngsters need to prove they have attitude by eating goat's balls (on Roadies) ? And that guy? The bald and the ugly: Raghu? He displays so much fake ego that he gives complex to Rakhi Sawant's cleavage display act.

MTV and [V] are the reasons why those angel type peaceful Haryanvi Taus (Khap Panchayat fame) have turned so much anti-love. After all, if you watch 'Axe ur Ex', 'Splitsvilla' etc crap; wouldn't you want to shout ''What the Khap??'' and go full Sunny Deol-isque bonkers on channel people's asses?



(Image source here). Way to go Assholes.


3] KASHMIR PROBLEM

Can someone please tell me what is Kashmir's problem? Frankly, I just dont get it. Its the only state where people enjoy superior property rights as against their counterparts from other states. Moreover, Indian Govt spends tonnes of cash for Kashmir's development. Dont believe me? Take a look at this NY Times article then ( Link ) . Notice this sentence in that >

''You expect a Jaffna; you expect a Palestine; you expect a Lebanon,'' Parvez Dewan, the divisional commissioner of Kashmir, said of Srinagar. ''You find a boom town.''

Seriously WTF Man? Independence from what? Only a small proportion of Kashmiris are agitating for independence. Kinda like Khalistanis who demanded a separate nation. But lets not get too much into this. This is a goldmine worth a full blogpost. Kashmir's problem basically is the way it is treated. Govt., Separatists, Army's topmost brass, Infiltrators etc see it only as a cash pie; people and army soldiers be damned.

Frankly speaking, Article 370 which gives certain special powers to J&K was such a gigantic stupidity that has ridiculed the very notion of J&K being an integral part of India.

And whenever, I see those separatists assholes who do nothing but raise pro-Paki slogans and mislead innocent people; I just want to dig out a handpump (Sunny Paaji in Gadar style) and go ballistic on their fuckin asses.

4 ] NEWS CHNLS, TV & REALITY BYTES / BITES

We all know news channels & reality shows are stupid. I wont repeat the reasons for I have already explored the magnitude of this shit in my earlier posts:


5 ] ARCHIES SPONSERED VARIOUS "DAYS"

We are stupid, gullible people. Otherwise what can explain the dumbfuckery of naming random days as occasions like Valentines Day in order to only make Arhchies , Hallmark etc richer? Frankly speaking, I dont buy the bullcrap that days like Fathers', Mothers, Lovers', Sons', Daughters' blah blah are there to celebrate these bonds and relations. The only situation in which I will need a stupid special day to "realise" my love for my parents or gf or friends will be if I dont give a damn about them at all. Then to hide my guilt, I will commemorate a special day, buy expensive and irrational gifts and cards, make those fat capitalist bastards at Archies etc richer and will feel happy.

Anyhow, I am not saying that we dont need these special days at all. We do. But only those which are important; such as:

> Rahul Mahajan Day : Day where you can laugh in a stupid way all day long while beating up random girls on street shouting "Mahajan-Man strikes back! ".

> Intelligence Day: When we all can realise that we do actually have brains and we love it and we will use it the whole day; unlike other days when we only use it to remember where we had put the damn remote so as to switch on the TV and watch Balika Vadhu.

**

These are the 5 biggest scams in our country. You might be wondering why the hell 'Religion' aint there despite the fact that it destroys minds in a bigger and more awesome way. Well, Religion aint a scam. Its a disease. Thats why it merits a full post. And so, you might want to see this.. my earlier post "appreciating" religion.

** May we all have the strength to fight these Scams! Amen !

Cheers......... Hic !!

18 comments:

Sweta said...

tum tho naha dho ke rahul mahajan (mahajan man) ke piche pad gaye ho.... :P

good one :)

Priya shah said...

Awesome ! Loved MTV and "days" one.. no comments on SRK wala hehe..

In the end.. only one word for this post : Priceless !

Nitin Jain said...

creative & interesting!!

S.R.Ayyangar said...

The Kashmir Problem is odd man out in your list.

nikita said...

Seriously Sweta !! Ye Mayank to naha dho ke Rahul Mahajan aur Ballika Vadhu ke peeche pad gaya hai :P

Anyways,Do i need to say !! Okie,amazing post..had a dil khol k kind laugh and my pissed off mood has vansihed somewhere !!

:) :) :) :) :)

heyithinkthisway said...

superb post..
all the five points are true and relevant :) :)

Mayank said...

@ all

Thanks for comments...

@ Sweta, Nikku .. Cant help it! RM is such an inspiring figure ! Long live Mahajan-Man...

Mayank said...

@ S. R. Ayyangar

While i respect ur view, i would like to differ. I truly believe that parties involved in Kashmir (except the army soldiers n common folks) r nothin but scamsters.. Even Article 370 was nothin but a convenient arrangement ....

Niket said...

As S.R. Ayyangar said, true, Kashmir problem is the odd man out in your list, but message well taken!

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed Reading...specially about SRK....

Anonymous said...

Expect some more post about ...the Diseases like Religion.

Mag[m] said...

u r a real shooter man.... u have loaded guns over every bullshit creature near by u :)

Mayank said...

@ Niket , Mag

Thanks .....

Anonymous said...

Keep posting stuff like this i really like it

Deepika Vasudeva said...

i think those "special" days keep life a bit non-monotonous.. it's not that we don't realize the importance of these relations on other days, but gives a one fully dedicated day to ur mother or father or lover... in a way making them feel special.

BTW i liked all that MTV stupidity.. its so irritating, they have not only exploited the English language but also the ppl who waste there time watching those good for nothing shows...

shahrukh wale pe no comments... i m in partial-agreement and partial-disagreement :P

Deguide said...

Kashmir problem to be solved in gadar style Lolz, who is the hero who will do it like Sunny Paaji ?

Puneetkumar Pattar said...

Hi, good to see your blog & your interest in the nation, politics & issues like corruption. I had been to Freedom Park, Bangalore to support the Anna Hazare team recently. I have shared my experience on my blog http://puneet3210.blogspot.com/2011/08/anna-hazare-freedom-park-bangalore.html . Do have a look. The same is shared on IndiBlogger also at http://www.indiblogger.in/indipost.php?post=72809 :) Puneet

Anonymous said...

I agree to MTV comments, you dont need to be cool to live