Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book - Groucho Marx


Recently, the most profound question that engulfed our nation was: Will Anandi (irritatin damn kid- Balika vadhu fame) die or not? Economy, inflation, national security can suck ass.. for Anandi is far important!

You know, before this whole fuckin drama, I still had hopes that we Indians haven’t gone completely nuts. Despite the Swayamvars and India TV types, theres still some hope. But we lost that thin layer with the whole Anandi saga. I was so deeply disturbed by the “breakin” news regarding people all over actually prayin for her 'survival' on the show that I decided to end my miserable life by consuming rat poison. But I dropped the idea when I remembered I was saving that for Rahul Mahajan and other ‘reality stars’ like him. Besides, that’s the easy way out; so I thought of de-constructin the two (for now) awesumly stupid things floating in and around nowdays instead.

Well………. Here goes nothing:


You see these chicks? Yea..thats what we have become. Enjoyin our own asses being fried out there. Frankly speaking, if I have to watch reality, why the hell will i require a damn TV? Where are the good old days of meaningful shows like Byomkesh Bakshi, Office Office or even Naked Russian models show (I love you FTV!)? Nowdays, we only have stupid reality shows and soap operas. BTW, here are the two profound myths regarding some of these shows:

>> They are entertaining;
>> They make viewers all powerful.

All these shows are as irritatin as a full-grown cactus up in someone's ass! But why blame the shows when we the people, who watch these, are the main culprits? We cant vote in our elections but will vote to save a moron from elimination on SaReGaMaPa or prevent show producers from 'killing' Anandi. Anandi, btw, is goin through a traumatizing head injury nowdays. Fine with that but can someone explain why everytime in Jesus' name, she sports colored bandages which match with her Saree? Thats what i call a 'fashionable patient!'.

We all crib about rising prices, inflation blah blah.. but what about the cost of SMSes on these reality buggers? 3 / 5 / 10 Rs worth of one SMS. And we send multiple of those.. everyday! Definitely aimed at making "Ass-M-Ass" out of us!!

And those who participate in these? Real talent: 1% ; Attention seeking assholes: 99%. Add some motherfucker judges.. and the deadly recipe is complete! Seriously, these ass-brained judges deserve only choicest expletives whenever they insult a contestant. Instead, they get their egos swelled up as participants want to outdo each other in their ass-licking.

Anyhow, heres my frustrated plea for deaf ears: Get some life you damn pricks!! Dont let your esteem get fucked by some talentless page 3 pooper.. Grow up!!



Warning: The following image can shock the fans of aesthetic, meaningful news: Parental guidance advised.

O yeah! Thats what I call news. Know what? I will take this moment to declare that our news channels (esp. India TV) are the harbingers of a revolution: to suck out brains that is! India TV particularly takes the cake. Be it 'aliens gonna abduct Himesh' story or the above thing, they have always ensured that we the people get the most important news within no time!

Generally, these 24X7 pricks put forth the argument that they pertain to public demands i.e. they show what public wants. Now that can only mean two things:

>> Public was always stupid. They are just cashin in on that.
>> They make public more stupid day by day. Then they also get more idiotic. Then they cash in.

Either ways, its almost the same. Whether you sit on a cactus or it falls on you, its your ass which bleeds, aint it? Besides, the truth about idiots is that when you argue with them, they always win. They bring you down to their level and then finish you off.

And yes, the most irritatin thing I find on these channels? The SMS polls they conduct.. virtually on every possible / non-possible issue!

Will someone's constipation end? Should Sania wear red or green on her wedding? Should Anandi die or not? Should SRK be on facebook or not? Should we continue fuckin our brains or not? ..... Kindly Answer: Type [ I got no life 'A'] or [ I got no life 'B' ] and send to 11111 !

Anyhow, I will end this sad sub-chapter by declaring a special kick-ass award: THE MOST SHAMELESSLY STUPID NEWS EVER!

The contestants:

>> "chudail maange pyaaz" News story (India TV);
>> " Aliens abducting himesh" (India TV);
>> " Sania-Shoaib coverage" (All);
>> " Plan your life by horoscope only and be safe" (Zee News)

And the winner is: (Oh my God! Soo exciting!!)


BTW, if you are thinkin that NDTV has paid me to take on India TV, Please! All are equal morons. Peeroy-noy Roy, Sagarika Ghost, Raj-deep-ass Sardesai and Bore-kha dutt are equal pricks!

But yes, i can cut Aaj tak some slack. Only because they have the hottest.. err.. the most talented newsreaders. See for yourself:


Well, thats this for now. I was thinking of making this post longer and more boring, but well.. just like my earlier post, I am gonna leave the rest to Part 2.

Anyhow, a real exciting news for my uncountable regular readers (all 3 of them ) >

Coming up in part 2 : Political correctness and ofcourse, the conspiracy that is honesty!

Cheers................... hic!


Giribala said...

Laughed a lot!

rashi said...

Interesting post donnie!!!:)

Ankita said...

You love Ind. tv dont u ? :) amazin post again.. r u like adament on out-doin self each time ? niice.....

Mayank said...

@ Giribala

thanks for appreciation :)

@ Rashi

glad u liked it don...


Love it?? M crazy abt it! Coz of I. Tv, i knw when n how the earths gonna end.. so i cn easily plan my rest of the life doin constructv thngs >> like the blog ...

Btw, y dont u publish ur blog on profile... it ws a nice write-up...


Ankita Rao said...

thnx fr likin the wrt-up.. bt na it aint serious like blog thing.. random stuff :)

Priya shah said...

hehe..absolutely loved it yar!

Purba said...

Find what's shown on television mind numbing, no wonder we have a growing duh-generation. Watch Lola-GK and you will know what am talking about.

Rahul said...

haha...loved it dude! Cool dnt u thnk the lingo will offend sm ppl?

Keep on writin........

Mayank said...


I have endured Lola GK , roadies etc. MTV stuff .. thats y m sure our future Gens will be called Pagal patrakar puts it ( .. "Gen-Du" .. 'Du' referrin to 'Duh'

@ Rahul

Those who find it offensive, dnt hv to read it. Simple.


Chandrika S Saini said...

Wonderful! :)
Quotation in the beginning is very nice. :) I also missed the serials like Biyomkesh Bakshi.
Keep writing.

chatterbox unplugged:no room for pseudo sympathy said...

you have bashed a lot for a 25 hr tv watcher ! some deserve bashing, some don't..matter of perceptions !! but you could gv stiff competition to india tv for sensational eyeball grabbing language !

Mayank said...

@ Chandrika

thnx fr visit n appreciation......

@ chatterbox

u may watch fr 25 hrs.. bt its fine if u aint watchin MTV :) .. and nopes..nt interested in competing wit them. To quote frm my blog "competin wit idiots: they drag u down to their level..then they kill u! "