Wednesday, April 28, 2010

WE ARE TALENTLESS MORONS BUT HEY... WE'VE GOT TEARS !!

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man - Jack Handey

Indian idol is back again with its 5th (or 6th? Watever.. who gives a shit!) season. And again, we are witnessing similar things / turn of events / people like:

> Talentless judges (Excluding Sunidhi Chauhan. She compensates the lack of talent with hotness!)

> "I got no life" participants who queue up at 1.30 AM for a 9 AM audition

> Piss-ants who have their "My mother is ill / poor and all she wants is to see me win this shit" tearful stories ready !

I mean, what the fuck is wrong with these morons? Granted, the judges are no Einstein but to be fair to them, they reject some ass because he plainly > sings terribly! But instead of accepting the failures, many assholes choose to open their liquid ducts (not the useful ones but those having tears). And then the stories begin.

As a sample (And dont even dare to blame me for lame graphics. Its MS Paint's job!) :















Yes. Thats the sad deal. People nowdays use darn emotions to get their job done. Criminals and terrorists kill thousands but cry for their human rights. Talentless morons cry and manipulate the equal-ass audience into voting for them.

In the end, i think i will just say that this class of humans is nothin better than a dog poop. To graphically illustrate >





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* A WORD [Ok! Many words. Watever!] *

It seems that my demented and frustrated post on "aunties" [ Link here ] has finally done something positive for me! A blogger friend , Giribala Joshi, has taken the highly easy task of findin my suitable match upon herself (Post here) ! So.. thank you with a font size of 144 !!

Jokes apart, she has a really nice blog (link) full of pricky sarcasm.

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Ok well, time to end this post now and get back to my normal life: TV + coffee + Porn (Sophisticated, not Mallu types! )

Cheers ........................................... HIC !!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, April 26, 2010

THE GHOST OF ARRANGED MARRIAGES !


Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

~ Mae West

The legend (read: ghost) of arranged marriage has been haunting our country since the first neighborhood aunty (who definitely evolved from some irritatin chimpanzee) set her sights on some gullible bachelor and bombarded his / her parents with 'matches'.




Arranged marriages are just like a disease. Just like AIDS. In my view, only those people who are moron enough so as to not being able to find their life partners, deserve this shit. Marriage afterall is a life changing decision. And frankly, I dont think the remote control of such decisions should be in elders' or others' hands.

Many people give a shitty argument that parents know best and you should trust them out of respect. Well, my message to such 'still warped in 17th century' pricks is simple, loud and clear: they may know best but ultimately only you know how big a screw up you are. And thats why only you can find an equal screwup for yourself..not your parents. All they will do is find someone THEY like. And choosing your life partner yourself (a selfish behavior) isnot a disrespect to anyone. Its just simple respect for own god-damned mind.

Arranged marriages are basically a big gamble. Sometimes you win; mostly you lose. Most importantly, you dont know who you are getting. The guy/ girl in question will always be at their best behavior. And please, they wont EVER tell you about their past flings. Someone may be fuckin the colony postman / maid but they will always appear as angels during a meeting; unless ofcourse, they hate arranged marriages and tell you to piss off in no uncertain terms.

If you aint intelligent enough to find your own partner and wanna get married so that you can easily get laid w/o effort.. arranged marriage is for you. But if you have some semblance of self-respect, I say, get up your asses, live your life, enjoy it, meet new and interesting people and if (in the walk of life); you find someone as big a screwup as you, DONOT let them go.

I certainly dont think that in today's scenario, any intelligent dude (discountin 'never gonna get laid' types) will want to marry just any chic. Lets face it: We guys dont like marriages. Its got to do with our independence. But I respect only those who have the balls to tell their families that they aint marrying till they find someone to their liking. And for that reason, m sure that no girl will want to put herself up as a display object infront of any tom, dick and harry's family. You know.. bringing tea, lookin down and shy always etc etc.. yea, you get the point.

Anyhow, to end, heres a piece of gem (courtesy: click here)






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Saturday, April 24, 2010

THE SHIT CALLED POLITICAL CORRECTNESS ! SCREW IT!


“I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.” ~ Bill Hicks

........ the crusade against stupidity continues . Part 2 .........................

What exactly is Political correctness (PC)? Before you answer, I will just say> its a fuckin disease! There were lots and lots of stupidities floating around in this world but we the humans were never content. So, we added a cherry on top .. PC !

Let me first explain what PC actually is. It is basically a nice way to say something controversial. In other words, you are still screwin the other person.. but this time, in a nicer way. Its a genius idea on part of humans who just dont wanna make an effort to use their damn brains!

Its something like this : [ P.S. lame drawing.. i know.. but bear with it! In the words of Ratan Noora: Bhawnaon ko samjho (Understand the feelings man!) ]



[ Ku Klux Clan : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ku_Klux_Klan ]

The thing which bugs me most is that PC doesnt solve any of our damn problems regarding discrimination. It was never meant to be infact. Its just like numerous other insanities like the earth hour , earth day and Womens day. All noise, no substance!

Basically, people give a shit about their earth and their women and other groups (minorities, blacks, fat people etc). They dont care and they know it. To eradicate this guilt, the fuckers devised political correctness! A prime example is the recent US election 2008 season where internal reports confirmed that Obama has so insanely high approval ratings only coz white americans support him out of PC! Else, they dont like him and give two hoots about his campaign.

Another idiotic example is of a moronic UK village which dumped the name "Christmas" for "A harmonious festival of Christians". I mean.. in the loudest terms.. WHAT THE FREAKIN FUCK MAN?? To appease Asians etc., you do this. and in the process, do what? Create further divide between native whites and Asians. Awesome! Hats off to you fuckin idiots!

I say we junk this shit called PC. And just change our attitude towards others. Minorities, Women, fat people etc. are all equal. All Humans. And if we cant respect them from heart, we all should just shut the hell up. No point in putting the fake foot forward.

BTW, a new term is floating around in USA these days for obese people: Gravitationally challenged! As soon as i came to know about this, all I wanted to do was shoot a bullet through the balls of the guy who came up with this novelty. I mean, who gave us a right to put forth this nomenclature anyway? Just coz obese people or minorities etc are far lessor in number; we will invent these names so as to not hurt their feelings? How about treatin them as humans people?? Think of them as equals. Those who wont like some "special" treatment just coz they are bit different. You wont require "names" then.

But i guess.. sadly.. PC is here to stay! Hence, I will end this rant right here. Besides, world wont change. It will always be "intellectually challenged" !

__

Cheers ........... Hic! Hic! Hic! .. Long live Fosters!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

GOD!! SAVE ME FROM THESE DEMONS OF STUPIDITY !

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book - Groucho Marx

*

Recently, the most profound question that engulfed our nation was: Will Anandi (irritatin damn kid- Balika vadhu fame) die or not? Economy, inflation, national security can suck ass.. for Anandi is far important!

You know, before this whole fuckin drama, I still had hopes that we Indians haven’t gone completely nuts. Despite the Swayamvars and India TV types, theres still some hope. But we lost that thin layer with the whole Anandi saga. I was so deeply disturbed by the “breakin” news regarding people all over actually prayin for her 'survival' on the show that I decided to end my miserable life by consuming rat poison. But I dropped the idea when I remembered I was saving that for Rahul Mahajan and other ‘reality stars’ like him. Besides, that’s the easy way out; so I thought of de-constructin the two (for now) awesumly stupid things floating in and around nowdays instead.





Well………. Here goes nothing:

[1] SOAPS AND REALITY TV

You see these chicks? Yea..thats what we have become. Enjoyin our own asses being fried out there. Frankly speaking, if I have to watch reality, why the hell will i require a damn TV? Where are the good old days of meaningful shows like Byomkesh Bakshi, Office Office or even Naked Russian models show (I love you FTV!)? Nowdays, we only have stupid reality shows and soap operas. BTW, here are the two profound myths regarding some of these shows:

>> They are entertaining;
>> They make viewers all powerful.

All these shows are as irritatin as a full-grown cactus up in someone's ass! But why blame the shows when we the people, who watch these, are the main culprits? We cant vote in our elections but will vote to save a moron from elimination on SaReGaMaPa or prevent show producers from 'killing' Anandi. Anandi, btw, is goin through a traumatizing head injury nowdays. Fine with that but can someone explain why everytime in Jesus' name, she sports colored bandages which match with her Saree? Thats what i call a 'fashionable patient!'.

We all crib about rising prices, inflation blah blah.. but what about the cost of SMSes on these reality buggers? 3 / 5 / 10 Rs worth of one SMS. And we send multiple of those.. everyday! Definitely aimed at making "Ass-M-Ass" out of us!!

And those who participate in these? Real talent: 1% ; Attention seeking assholes: 99%. Add some motherfucker judges.. and the deadly recipe is complete! Seriously, these ass-brained judges deserve only choicest expletives whenever they insult a contestant. Instead, they get their egos swelled up as participants want to outdo each other in their ass-licking.

Anyhow, heres my frustrated plea for deaf ears: Get some life you damn pricks!! Dont let your esteem get fucked by some talentless page 3 pooper.. Grow up!!

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[2] NEWS CHANNELS

Warning: The following image can shock the fans of aesthetic, meaningful news: Parental guidance advised.



O yeah! Thats what I call news. Know what? I will take this moment to declare that our news channels (esp. India TV) are the harbingers of a revolution: to suck out brains that is! India TV particularly takes the cake. Be it 'aliens gonna abduct Himesh' story or the above thing, they have always ensured that we the people get the most important news within no time!

Generally, these 24X7 pricks put forth the argument that they pertain to public demands i.e. they show what public wants. Now that can only mean two things:

>> Public was always stupid. They are just cashin in on that.
>> They make public more stupid day by day. Then they also get more idiotic. Then they cash in.

Either ways, its almost the same. Whether you sit on a cactus or it falls on you, its your ass which bleeds, aint it? Besides, the truth about idiots is that when you argue with them, they always win. They bring you down to their level and then finish you off.

And yes, the most irritatin thing I find on these channels? The SMS polls they conduct.. virtually on every possible / non-possible issue!

Will someone's constipation end? Should Sania wear red or green on her wedding? Should Anandi die or not? Should SRK be on facebook or not? Should we continue fuckin our brains or not? ..... Kindly Answer: Type [ I got no life 'A'] or [ I got no life 'B' ] and send to 11111 !

Anyhow, I will end this sad sub-chapter by declaring a special kick-ass award: THE MOST SHAMELESSLY STUPID NEWS EVER!

The contestants:

>> "chudail maange pyaaz" News story (India TV);
>> " Aliens abducting himesh" (India TV);
>> " Sania-Shoaib coverage" (All);
>> " Plan your life by horoscope only and be safe" (Zee News)

And the winner is: (Oh my God! Soo exciting!!)

YES! SEE FOR YOURSELF >> yay!!





































































BTW, if you are thinkin that NDTV has paid me to take on India TV, Please! All are equal morons. Peeroy-noy Roy, Sagarika Ghost, Raj-deep-ass Sardesai and Bore-kha dutt are equal pricks!

But yes, i can cut Aaj tak some slack. Only because they have the hottest.. err.. the most talented newsreaders. See for yourself:


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Well, thats this for now. I was thinking of making this post longer and more boring, but well.. just like my earlier post, I am gonna leave the rest to Part 2.

Anyhow, a real exciting news for my uncountable regular readers (all 3 of them ) >

Coming up in part 2 : Political correctness and ofcourse, the conspiracy that is honesty!

Cheers................... hic!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

'DESTROYIN' .. err.. ANALYSIN THE 'HOLY COWS' OF OUR COUNTRY >> Part 1

"All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a sacred cow" ~Grant Wood



Holy Cows .. who you may ask? People who are above every logical criticism in our country. No no.. i am not talkin about politicians etc. I am talkin about the darlings of the intellectual classes, of the masses, of media etc. Yeah.. those fuckin morons. Pray, why are they morons? Read on....



SHASHI THAROOR

Tharoor or rather 'Twitoor' is one guy am really gettin sick of now! First of all, chicks dig him! Thats enough for me to raise my dislike meter a few notches. Secondly.. and more importantly.. he is assured of a dedicated fan base even if he goes out and commits murder in broad daylight. Seriously, what the fuck? Just coz hes on twitter and hes suave..that means hes a saint? I mean, look at his record. No concrete steps; only some mis-twits. Judge the reactions against his twit acts as naive or watever, the fact remains that hes always in a soup.

The recent Kochi IPL team fiasco underlines this fact. Twitoor is clearly wrong if he has a role in influencin the biddin outcome in favor of Kochi team. He denies that but what about his friend / fiancee gettin a $70 million stake in team for her 'business advice'? Whoa!! Thats not surprisin at all eh? He may / maynot be wrong but whats buggin me is the support for Twitoor from countless Twitter twatters. These "Ooo! ooo ! I am cool. I am on twitter. Hehehehe" type chaps and bimbos are supportin Twittor as if hes some God or something. Comments like "Hes so educated. He cant indulge in this" or "Hes so cuuute! Hes innocent" makes my blood boil so much (one of the reasons for current heat spell)!! Well... Educated? Cuuute? That means he cant misuse power? Damn!! Get a life people! (this comment btw is on my 'target destruction' list.. am really sick of this!). Anyways, question is: A person cant be termed guilty just coz hes unlike a typical greasy Indian politician?? Use brains. I need facts people!

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AMITABH BACHCHAN



Hes just too amazin! He has a blog, a video blog, a 'this' blog, a 'that' blog, twitter account and Jesus knows what! And at last count, he had 1,467,565,923,2334 followers. Yes! more than our population. Its like people are doin nothin intelligent like accessing porn and only checkin AB's updates! Now, call him highly intellectual or an advocate of style or sexy-at-65 or whatever.. in the end, hes just a guy sellin basically EVERYTHING on TV except bra/panty/underwear and Condoms. Cement? AB. Suit? AB. Hair oil? AB. Over-exposed irritation? AB. Okay. Granted. Hes an amazin talent and a living legend. But that doesnot mean that watever he says.. makes perfect sense! Whether hes havin problems with the Government or basically, shittin in mornin.. everything becomes news! Add his family esp. Abhi-Aish to the picture and it becomes scary!! In all entirety, AB is just a master salesman, AB junior is a flop actor and Aish is one of those overhyped Indians who prefer visibility to real talent.

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SHAHRUKH KHAN

His highness .. Lord of the ego-maniac-ism > SRK!! This dude has many qualities like:

1] He mostly plays Raj or Rahul. Sometimes other names, but the core i.e. "I love you KKKKKKKKiran" remains same;

2] He owns an IPL team which never reaches the semis and is always the butt of all jokes; primarily coz SRK is busy makin funny ads involvin the team and courtin controversies rather than buildin a solid player base.

3] His mindless (except may be DDLJ) 'super megahits' have always been with either Johar (I suspect thats him in this pic wit SRK) or Chopra. Complete contrast to Aamir Khan but anyways.

I remember the funny day when SRK joined Twitter. It was the event of the decade !! K. Johar (KJo) overwhelmingly twit-ted "GUYS!! SRK IS FINALLY HERE!! AIYAA ! YAY" . Seriously WOW! All our problems are solved now! SRK is here! Whoopieeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I mean what the hell! SRK is nothin but a junior salesman (wont tell you who the senior one is) with an ego ; the size of which, equals huge piles of elephant shit! And thats why his IPL team (KKR) never wins. All glitz, lesser substance.

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Know what? There are soooo many fuckin holy cows in this country man! Infact, they far outnumber the normal ones. Its going to take so many bizzare, irritatin and idiotic posts like this one to conduct a post-mortem on all of them..but well, worth the effort!

In all, i can just say > Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost..........

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## A WORD ON COMMENTS ##

After readin some of the comments on my last post, i have realised that my irritatin blog has finally 'arrived'. Two of them really proved that i have started to piss off people.. in short, have started to achieve my goal. YES!!!

The common "request" in those comments was that i should not be so negative and all; otherwise i will lose my peace! I mean, HUH??? Actually, you see; its a whole fuckin gameplan. Being negative and criticisin generally everything gives me a sense of purpose in my otherwise sadistic life; in turn, augmenting my inner peace. So, gals (kindly leave your numbers also when you comment :) ) and guys, if you find this waaaaaay negative, live with it! Its my sadistic inner peace after all!

Cheeeers............................... Hic!

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Friday, April 16, 2010

YOU STOLE MY HUMAN RIGHTS AND GAVE THM TO A FUCKIN TERRORIST ??

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
~ Ashleigh Brilliant

YES ! Thats right ! You damn human right activists (HRAs) !! You have stolen my human rights and have presented them to some jerk on a platter. This thing below describes just that [ source: http://images.thesun.co.uk ]



These HRAs r really a piss-off. Always advocatin rights for non-humans. People like Kasab, who kill innocents on camera while flashin 'V' signs, need to be killed in exactly the same way as cockroaches are done away with Baygon. But instead, they get their fuckin rights. And whos wronged ? Yup..we the people!

If I imagine a conversation b/w Kasab type person (KTP)n such HRAs (like Aroon-dhat-i Roy), it would go something like this> .. oh and BTW, i will be addin an extra 'A' for Asshole before KTP and HRA. You know why? Coz they are always throwin shit!

AHRA: Heya duude ! All well ?
AKTP: Awesum man! Been an year now! chillax atmosphere. M thinkin of applyin for Indian citizenship. thanks for support ya !! Esp. when you guys threatened the stupid jailer over the liqour they serve me. Infact, all coz of you, they are givin me Kingfisher nwdays instead of the usual desi 'Angoor ki beti' .
AHRA: (with tears) Just tryin our best dude! Our level best. Love ya. Mmuaah !
AKTP: (controllin irritation at this gay-panti) Yeah! Love ya too. Keep helpin me. O BTW! Wheres me girls i requested for? I aint gettin any! All we have here are assholes, literally.
AHRA: You got it bro! Next weekend, surely! And all in Indian taxpayers' account.
AKTP: (thinkin ) Screwed up Indians!!

Yes thats right! We screw ourselves earnin money and payin taxes..just so these terrorists can enjoy their lives in jail. Its like givin them an incentive to attack India. Come..kill..get saved by HRAs...enjoy in jail . Common man? Ah..screw him.

And why only Kasab and his like? How about Naxals? They kill 75 CISF jawans and nothing. But if a soldier hurts even a toenail of some damn naxal, HRAs are all over him! Esp these so-called intellectuals (will be 'analysed' in my next post HAHAHA). Now, Aroon-dhat-i Roy shows us a poor,sad lookin naxal woman and asks 'You assholes wanna kill her??'. What she doesnt notice though : A huuuge AK-47 hangin from her back.

And well, if Ray and Medha Patkar and 'Scratch-me-every 5 min.' Mahesh Bhatt and Aparna Sen and blah blah blah have naxals' cute pictures, I also have these:



The pics of victories. Sacrifices. Pride. Unlike those of fuckin terrorists and naxals who 'look' victimized..beggin for 'rights'.. whenever a camera approaches them.

Anyhow.. you know why these asshol-ish HRAs shout so loud? The answer is: They know they have no lives. No eggs and sperms. No prospects. And thats why they shout scandalously. To get noticed internationally. After all, where will you get 'donations' for your 'intellectual' booze parties if stupid bt rich intn'l organizations wont notice you. Thats the scam.

I sincerly do not buy the argument these morons use: "Well, these people are so low. They have killed. But society is intelligent. It shldnt degrade itself and kill them in return". Why shldnt we degrade to their level? They can come here, put a 15 inch long bamboo up in our ass and what do we say? OOO! Its so tacky to do the same to them. We'll all be saints, keep protectin HRs and keep gettin fucked badly in every hole God has fitted us with.

So, while the following:

> Soldiers,
> Their families,
> Common man,
> Rural women,
> Genuinely poor ppl,
> Love-struck Couples who wanna marry but are killed by Khap panchayats,
> Police ppl

etc. can go to hell; HRAs and terrorists etc enjoy. And mostly at our expense. Yup.. we taxpayers are the ones payin for Kasab's jail stay.. his books , his chicken tikkas, his kingfishers.. hell! even his underwear!

Well, i really am pissed off! And badly. I was born a fuckin human and i have no rights unless m some god freakin criminal? Thats crappy. Crappier than Mahesh Bhatt scratching his armpit every 5 minutes! Crappier than Sreesanth's break dance ! O hell..crappier even than havin Rakhi Sawant as wife!!

Lord, please help these souls..give them some brains; for they dont know what they are doin!

Amen.

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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I NEED A BREAK FROM SO CALLED FUCKIN FEMINISTS !!!

"When I did `Playboy`, I got letters from women who didn`t consider it feminist to do nude photographs. I thought the whole POINT of being a feminist was that you got to make your own choices" - Cindy Crawford


Women rights and Feminism. Good concepts. But like love, reduced to shit in present times (refer to my previous post ..n yes, you guessed it! It’s a ploy to get you to read my earlier posts as well.. HAHA. Genius!).

Anyhow, lets first discuss the history of feminist movement. Many years ago, a sensible woman (like Betty Friedan) thought she should do something about the unequal state of women. But before she could make her ideas awesomely acceptable, there came a stupid and sexually frustrated bimbo who put forth this piece of gem:



Voila! Birth of feminist movement. Bravo!!

Frankly speaking, Feminists should occupy one of the top 3 slots in the list of ‘groups to be carpet bombed to death”.. the other two slots ofcourse goin to rahul-rakhi-swayamvar group and human rights activists (Like a certain Ms Roy- Goddess of not-so-small Idiotic things).

Now, I will not be politically correct when i say this. I am all for women rights. Infact, if people aint treatin their women and girls as respectable humans, they deserve to be given cyanide, then shot in ass and finally thrown from Eiffel tower before being sent to hell and cooked in oil mixed with Satan's semen. What I really hate is when morons (who have brains the size of an ant’s pubic hair) fight for something totally stupid. And sadly, they are the ones who get all the recognition. Just like Ms “Ooh! Ooh! Indian govt bad. Naxals good. Yay ” Arundhati Roy. These god-damned assholes will almost always have ekta Kapoor as their role model woman. You know na? The lady who shows women as total stupid bitches in her serials? Yeah…her only.

And presentin'.....the one and only - 'Jhelta' Kapoor



The foremost agency responsible for women’s liberation (lib.) in India is Nat’l commission for women (ncw.nic.in). And that’s why, they are always at the forefront of radically stupid measures; one of which was that a man has to provide alimony in case of a failed live-in relationship. Toooo Awesum! Add liability to a relationship which was invented to get around liabilities that a marriage brings! My god..NCW rocks!! And you know whos rejoicing? Besides Arundhati roy and Rakhi sawant? you guessed it... Feminists. Because they know it’s a path breaking ..err back breaking judgment. Backs of men, that is. The agenda is simple: Let rural and semi-rural women, who actually are screaming for help; go to hell while we use our little brains to introduce frivolous cosmetic acts.

I surely have a big problem with the thinking that we should degrade men so as to empower women. WTF is this crap man?? First you tell women: Rise. Be equal to men. Then you degrade men. You know what it suggests? That women have no fuckin brains and need to be treated as grown up problem children... which obviously is as far from truth as real talent from Rakhi Sawant.

Honestly, m really sick of these ‘sacred cows’. Man commits adultery? Divorce and alimony. Woman commits it? Shes a victim (Watever that means.. ask NCW). Horny pricks have sex before 18: boy -sent to juvenile home on rape charges; girl- let off. Perfect aint it ? Now before some bimbo shouts ‘But guys are manipulative dogs! They need to be taught a lesson!!”, I will say- Yes. They are. But not all of them. And what about women? Don’t they act as manipulative pricks? What about those misusing Sec 498(A)? Or those eggheads who genuinely wear tight shirts (sometimes so tight that their assets literally shout out for fresh air!!) during MBA job interviews so as to ‘showcase’ their talent? And trust me on this one. I have bore the brunt of this!

One more grudge I have against feminists is that the way they scoff at something which doesn’t meet their standards. They ridicule every homemaker lady, even if she has chosen that with full logic of her own. Aint that an insult to countless such homemakers? I will take the example of my mom. Shes a great homemaker and loves being that. Plus, she hates these feminist dolls. Well, these famine-ists also scoff if some lady is not given a job/ promotion, even if its coz there was a more worthy male candidate. Also, they just refuse to give any real credit to talented and intelligent successful women like Mrs Indra Nooyi (Pepsi chief) or Mrs shaw (Biocon chief). However, they wont scoff if certain ‘strong’ women use tears or the bloody advantage of having assets to further their cause.

Ultimately thing is, both sexes have sour grapes among them. Thing is that women have always been treated as second hand citizens. Thing is that women have full rights to be empowered and demand their standing in society. Thing is they are special.. in their own way. But thing which ISNT ...is that you need to fuck men to prove that! Let women be. Support them. Respect them. Fuck those feminists.

And, as an afterthought for famine-ists :




Cheeeeeeeers.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Love and all that bullshit !

"I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox." ~ Woody Allen


** WARNING: badly written disgustin post ..w/o coffee at 2 AM. But watever! Take a hike and read !**

- - -

What is love? The time-eternal question, isnt it? Well, the answer is: Its pure bullcrap ! Infact its worse. Its a scam by some godless freak to plunge humanity into darkness.

Now, love used to be something nice. But that was eons ago. Nowdays, love is just a joke. Just look at those countless gullible morons who defy the very heights of commercialization by splurging on 'love' on 14th Feb. I am pretty sure that CEOs of companies which make tonnes of money on this day , simply love these idiots! I can infact, imagine a conversation between one such CEO and his marketing VP:

big fat CEO dude [BFCD] : HAHA (evil laugh) ! How much this year?
weasel- like Marketing VP [MVP] : $50 billion and counting.. HAHAHA [ evil laugh]
BFCD: Those fuckin love birds. They cant understand that we have reduced love to just a commercial shit.
MVP : Absolutely sir! Those penis-brained morons and their bimbo catches are waaay too innocent ! HAHAHA

And now, food for thought-- a valentine gift for that special someone>



Love today is just lust and nothing else. That explains why nice people are often w/o a chick / guy. Mostly guys though. Infact, its crime to be a nice guy today. If you drop a drunk chick home w/o sensing the opportunity to unleash your big 'friend' upon her, you are obviously nice. You may be one of those who definitely will be getting a 'standing ovation' while carrying her home but will always think of her respect first. But what does nice-ness makes you? Lame ofcourse! I mean .. you dont think of women as trash. you dont look at her assets but in her eyes while she talks for hours! You dont get secretly jealous of her success. Fuck it Boy!! You are so lame! for chicks like cooler pricks ..who are total dudes [ minus the niceties but eh! ].

Now, guys are also no less ofcourse. But well, at this point i will be a total chauvinist and not count guys' jerk-ness. Dont wanna betray Brotherhood so watever.

Anyhow, coming back to love. Well, its dying a painful death today. If you dont believe me, just go see the super-idiotic DoCoMo break-up ad featuring an irritatin couple.

[[ link to this video : www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9ku_TUe0lQ ]]

WTF is this anyway? This ad is the final nail on love's coffin... designed by people with IQs so less, that even those tiny white worms who come out crawling wit your shit ..[ when you are having stomach infection, silly ; not otherwise; dont worry your ass off and read on ]]..... they can beat them in intelligence test.

May be; we are just gettin back at love by reducing it to this level. You know.. it hurts, makes you sad sometimes etc etc. So well, take revenge. Reduce it to stupidity. Joke. But any way you chose to see...this is a time of despair. Watever happened to love being a feeling of mutual respect and care? Wheres the patience? Why love nowdays is measured monetarily i.e. the costlier the V day gift, the more you love! Plain bullshit.

** Warning : Emotional Paragrph starting now . Girls> time to grab ur handkerchiefs . Guys> time to grab girls. Chance to console and 'net' those fishes **.

Well now, the eternal question: What is love? If you ask me, its 180 degrees opposite of lust. From my perspective, when a girl becomes much more to you than mere 'assets'.. you are there buddy !

Anyways, thats that. As for me, time for me to end this moronic and boring post and remember the Rabindra sadan metro station in Kolkata >>



Why, you wanna ask? Memories of a time gone by. And trust me, in a god-damn long dist. relationship>> nothin painful than watchin your gf goin back home in that metro while you are also leavin fr your city in sometime.

** // O Fuck! Before i get more senti, m gonna end this really high quality post right now. //

Cheers.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

GET ME OUTTA HERE !!!

" Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life " - Dilbert


Get me out of here !! This is a feeling one gets when it comes to their senses that world after all, doesn’t give a shit. Frankly, you may even be a page 3 pseudo-intellectual but ultimately no-one will give shit if you die (unless they were hoping for inclusion into your will).



Coming back to the feeling; there are always two behaviors attached to it: 1) You sit at one place and cry while self-pitying; 2) You vow revenge on the world. Trust me, if you are an evil genius like me, you will choose the latter ….. [EVIL GRIN COMMENCES]



Now, there are again two reasons why the world will like to put a whole tree up your ass whenever you try to communicate with them: 1) you are really a moron; in which case, I will join the world and screw you; 2) you are too good and the mahajan ka swayamvar-obsessed world doesn’t understand you. I like and support the second one.

Nowdays, m feeling like Daffy Duck really. Always ass-ed in favor of Bugs bunny- the less funny but supposedly cooler prick! Daffy always creates the funniest moments, gets its head shot off by Elmer Fudd, makes a fool of itself, does all the nice work and still gets the boot in favour of that good-for-nothing carrot munching rabbit.



The only time when Daffy was actually given some credit was when Bugs himself admitted that he aint anything w/o Daffy (Looney Toones movie- II). I felt like crying that day (If you wanna know why, scroll up and read this idiotic post again!).

And that’s why, its revenge time folks!



Now… I was originally thinking of joining IIT and studying nuclear physics so as to learn about making nukes and unleashing them upon this world. But well, I don’t think I can clear IIT-JEE; so I dropped this genius plan. I also thought of buying weapons online (a.k.a. 16th December- awesome movie but for that one scene where a terrorist group sells “stuff” online- TOO MUCH!) but well, you really cant buy anything with a credit limit that screams ‘You idiot! Get something into your account first!’ Silly Banks!

Now, just as I was running out of genius ideas, I stumbled upon a less fancy one. Just sit back and enjoy. Enjoy what? Again two things: Self-destruction of the world and self-pity. The former is a testimony to the fact that humans have gone bonkers! Obsessed over mind numbing reality shows, not having a heart, not caring to stoop to any levels just to conform to silly norms, blindly following idiotic things of religions etc… all these things suggest that I don’t have to have a plan for the world has done the dirty work itself!

And as for the other one: Self-pity.. well, its that only: For self. And as George Costanza (Seinfeld) put it: Highly under-rated! Keep it to self. Don’t share the pains. And, the next time you feel like just sitting in your room and being all sad and lonely, I say DO IT. Grab a coffee and some popcorn and enjoy it! Don’t go by what world preaches: ‘Thou should be strong’. My Ass! Infact, sitting and enjoying the self-pity phase... is itself a revenge on the world, aint it ?

[ EVIL GRIN ENDS].

Time for me to grab some popcorn now!

Cheers.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

A Tribute to the 'Aunties'

"I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse." - Don Vito Corleone (Marlon Brando), The Godfather

Yes..my first post. And I am not expecting any comments yet. I know ofcourse that after a very short time, when this freakin blog will become highly famous, my 100000 + followers and worshippers will like to know where it all began. And then they will comment. Yay !

So, well.. I will start with the Aunties. Y? Well… because practically, they are spread all over our country! And almost exclusively, this bunch lives on the agenda of screwing up already screwed up youngsters. Not believing me? You will, if you show some patience and read through the end.

Anyhow, I am almost certain that they all work as part of some mafia. An aunty syndicate! They are all over and are multiplying every minute like rats. And the agenda / task / mission: TOTAL ANNIHILIATION ! Actually..thats only a kick-ass mission name. The actual god-damn thing is a 4 part process:

•Find a gullible youngster whos settled in a good job or/and is 23+
•Bombard his/her parents with annoying phrases such as “Arre! Shaadi kar do iski warna kisi din kisi ko bhi saamne laakar bolega ki yahi hai meri girlphrend !” Trouble is that people actually buy this reasoning!!
•Check out all the resources and come up with a suitable match for the hapless guy/girl
•If the ‘target’ and his / her family are sensible enough to avoid this deadly aunty trap, then malign them behind their backs with phrases such as “Arre! Vo ladki achi nahi hai ! Suna hai uske 4-4 boyphrend the ! Hai Re! Chi Chi! “ . and well..who doesn’t love a good silly gossip (P.S. I am a self-confessed India TV fan).

See.. this is what aunties do. They are annoying. Really. But have no fear for I have devised a strategy to counter these WMDs (Women of Mass Destruction). All you have to do is play along. Well, I have noticed that aunties have an ego the size of an elephant’s ass! HUUGE ! So, just play along..inflate it to whatever extent you can and enjoy the fun. Trust me, theres nothing more entertainin than an ‘inflated’ aunty. But mind you.. do this AFTER ascertaining the mental influence of these WMDs on your parents. If they blindly follow the aunties’ conviction of marriage, you will be screwed. And, big time.

Too simple a strategy? Well, what did you expect? Theory of Relativity?? Anyways, heres a checklist of parameters of identifying these aunties:

•Middle aged (but will always say shes is in early 30s);
•Always carrying a veggie basket or some shopping bag;
•Always ready with suitable matches: Boy, girl,Horse /20s,30s,40s / Divorcee, single / stable, retard / own community, other community, majority, minority, minority within majority.. etc etc etc. Man!!
•Always ready for/to gossip;
•Always your mother’s best friend !!
•For guys only: Almost always has a hot daughter who somehow is never in the ‘suitable match’ list for you !!

Anyways, that was about them. I will end this by shouting out loud: ONLY YOU ARE THE ONE PROTECTIN YOUR ASS. GET UP AND DO IT!!!

Cheers…………………………………………